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  • Loving You! Blessing of the Body, Mind & Soul!

     “It is a perfect time to start new projects, access new ideas and give birth to a new condition”
    - Doreen Virtue Goddess Card

    Ostara is the goddess of fertility and it seems so fitting to share this image with you during April. Ostara is known as Eostre, from which the words east, Easter and estrogen were derived. She brings birth, rebirth and renewal. This is a wonderful time to print and post this card with the intention to bring all of you into balance this month.

    Renewing and balancing the mind, body and soul. Renewal of the mind, body and soul is the theme for April in our celebration of “The Year of Empowering Love!

    How do you renew your mind, body and soul after such a long winter and being within the creation journey?

    Begin with the blessing of the your body for this month and start with your head and move south over the course of the month.

    Here’s a link to the blessing of the body, which I have shared before and use often. My favorite blessing is the heart. Heart: May you develop awareness of what stirs deep within you. May you have a vibrant, compassionate heart, one that is filled with generosity and kindness.

    April 20 through 26 is RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association’s “National Infertility Awareness Week,” as many of you know. I don’t allow “infertility” in my word choice, which brings us to this month’s intention of blessing of your body, mind and soul. If the linked blessing doesn’t resonate with you, here’s another approach.

    Try beginning with the breath and check inward to see, hear or sense what part of your body needs some love. Is there an ache or pain that is quickly brought into your awareness?

    Then “be” with that area within your body and say “thank you” to that area for coming into awareness. Then, send your love to that area of your body and thank it for its service.

    Loving you begins within to ripple without. I remember cultivating this practice when I had “fallen out of love” with myself and took all the functioning of my body for granted. I simply began thanking and holding gratitude for all my body did each and every day for myself and for those around me.

    When my mom, Ginger, was within her active chemo treatments, we were having dinner at my home. There she sat, all 100 pounds of her, if that, and as I passed her the asparagus, she said: “All the time I wasted dieting and concerning myself with my weight and now look at me. I wish I used that time differently.” This is my Gingerism for the month. My mom was a bit heavy prior to her diagnosis. Through her body’s change and natural aging, she gained weight and was a member of Weight Watchers for years. Looking at her as her body battled with cancer, it was heartbreaking.

    In my humble opinion, creating inner balance and living the understanding that our bodies are beautiful and created within the light of the Divine, is time well used. During the month of April, together with the attached Goddess Ostara’s card and with the pearls of wisdom of my mom’s Gingerism, let’s focus on loving ourselves, as we are, all of us.

    For these 30 days, honoring and renewing the marvel of ourselves and bless and love ourselves each and every day. For support, inspiration and togetherness, check out the weekly meme for #NIAW on my Facebook page to keep the loving thoughts filled with momentum.

    Thank you most beautiful body for all you do each and every day. God! You’re amazing!

    Kristen

  • Narcissus! Daffodil Me Please! Ensure My Happiness!

    There was a forecast for more snow this week, so I have been taking advantage of Trader’s Joe’s Fearless Flyer special on daffodils, also known as narcissus flowers. They’re only $1.49 per bunch and I have been buying them for everyone I have been meeting in person. I want to give these winter-weary New Englanders a sunny symbol of happiness and a hopeful sign of spring in the middle of this very long grey winter!

    Daffodils also are called lent lilies. Folklore indicates they are a sign of winter’s end as well as lucky emblems of future prosperity. You might be asking why the long explanation of the daffodil?

    It goes back to self-love and self-nurturing! So I set my intention to share this bright, cheery flower with all and systematically went about putting them around my home, including in the bathrooms, on the kitchen counter, on nightstands, etc. At $1.49 a bunch, I was up to $6.00, right? That way, when someone entered the room, the energy of hope and spring filled the air. The bright yellow flowers were saying “Hold on, soon you’ll be wearing flip flops and the windows will be open. A new beginning is coming with spring.” My shoulders dropped again, even though it is freezing cold with temperatures of 7 degrees!

    At least in my mind that was what the intent would produce, but here’s what really happened. My fellow housemates, my children, didn’t even notice the beaming yellow flowers of smiles! At the dinner table I said: “Wow, those daffodils are really brightening up my day. Aren’t they beautiful?”

    In unison, they replied “What daffodils?”

    “Really, really… you didn’t notice the daffodils right here on the counter? Or the bunches in the bathrooms? Or the ones on your nightstand?"

    I received looks of confusion from my two cherubs followed by silence…

    I thought for a second about what this meant to me, i.e., they did not notice the daffodils. Did they not appreciate my efforts to make their environment more comfortable and hopeful? I asked: ”Are your eyes pasted on?“

    As those thoughts and feelings washed over me, I let them pass. I realized this was a wonderful lesson reminding me of intention. My intent was to bring joy and the hope of getting through the winter by sharing some happiness and beauty!

    The funny thing is, however, when I removed the daffodils after they wilted and before I got new ones from Trader Joe’s, I heard “Where are the daffodils?”

    The “ah ha” moment is this… self- care, self nurture, and self-happiness are just that – about the self!

    So what beauties are you missing in your every day life? And how is your “self-care stamina”? Meaning, are you fulfilling your self -needs and not looking outward for approval?

    Sometimes appreciating everyday beauty (within and without) doesn’t happen until it is brought into awareness. Knowing your own needs and honoring them is what needed right now!

    Have a daffodilly wonderful day!

    Kristen

  • Advocate with Gusto!

    I am excited to share with you a download with Davina Frankhauser!  

    Please take time and listen in to my time with Davina Frankhauser, co founder of Fertility Within Reach and I as we discuss how you become the best "self advocate" for your family creating journey. Davina is dedicated to helping others create their family!

    We'll help you create questions to ask and direct you to get the insights that you need; because you are not alone during this time!

    Kristen

    Davina Fankhauser is a long-time advocate with a duo Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and Communications and a Master’s Degree in Education. Davina has personally and professionally lobbied for infertility health benefits, national funding and family-building legislation in Washington D.C. as well as with the insurance industry. She led the strategic effort to update the Massachusetts Definition of Infertility 2010) and see Cryopreservation of Eggs become a required benefit of infertility and available to other patients with medical needs (2013). 

     Davina educates others how to effectively advocate for themselves. In addition, she is passionate about helping youth preserve their reproductive health.

  • Happy Valentine’s Day!

    So Much Love In One Place!

    Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
    I am excited to share with you a Valentine’s Day gift of a powerful conversation and meditation with my very special friend and associate, Tamara Green, LCSW where we share insights and a meditation on:

    Keeping you heart chakra open and hope filled by Loving yourself Crazy!

    Remember during February, email me your answer to “what I love most about myself” not only will you be entered in the drawing for a beautiful rose quartz, but Tamara Green is adding to the giveaway sharing a free 45 minute Loving Guidance Session and a Mp3 download of Sexy Irresistible You Meditation! If you need to get back those romantic love feelings for yourself and your partner you don’t want to miss this!

    So what do you love most about yourself? Tell me!!!

    Kristen

    Tamara Green, LCSW is a veteran Loving Relationship Expert, Psychotherapist, Meditation Facilitator and Certified Hypnotherapist. She specializes in coaching singles to find their soulmates and couples to heal their relationships through deep spiritual guidance. Elle Magazine dubs her the “Soul-centered Psychotherapist and Loving Relationship Expert.” She is an exciting catalyst for profound healing who has devoted her life to helping people rise out of pain and fear and into overflowing abundance and meaning. As well as working 1-on-1, Tamara runs teleclasses and workshops that takes her clients on an exciting and profound journey of recognizing the falsehoods in their life, removing the blocks, and clearing the path to awakened living and loving. One client told Tamara, “You took my soul out of prison, now I really am ready for love.” With her reputation as an energy healer, intuitive and seer, Tamara assists in helping people to acknowledge and operate from their Highest Self. As a result, they actualize their dreams of a loving relationship – with their beloved and, very importantly, with themselves.

    Tamara is regularly featured on radio shows, telesummits and speaking engagements. In keeping with her strong belief of being of loving assistance to this world, she runs a complimentary weekly international meditation teleclass called Miracle Mondays Meditation and all are invited to attend. Tamara is widely known for these powerful and effective meditations, which are beautifully accompanied with originally composed music by David Dachinger and archived in her shop.

  • Love, Love, Love The Year of Empowering Love!

    At the end of last year while I was excitedly developing plans for the tenth anniversary celebration of Love and Infertility: The Year of Empowering Love!, I never imagined I would begin 2014 with the sudden death of my mom.

    Sitting on my couch quietly listening to Fernando Ortega on Pandora (I love both of them!) and struggling to find the words to write to you, I suddenly sensed a kick from my mom from across the cosmos! She felt very close for a brief moment. Sensing her loving mother tone, I remembered she had taught me better, which is that what always matters is LOVE! Unconditional Love!

    My amazing mom taught me that service to the Lord through service to others is a life well lived. The catalyst for writing both my books was to ensure I shared my experiences to help relieve the pain for other women experiencing the challenges of creating their family. Love & Infertility; Survival Strategies for Infertility, Marriage and Life turns 10 years old this year!!!

    During 2014 I am offering gifts of Love to you as we embark on the Year of Empowering Love by Sparkling Up! Sparkling up our inner light to love ourselves and, in turn, have that inner love spill over to our families, even during its creation, as well as to all we touch each and every day. Empowering Love & Sparkle UP! has taken on such a deeper meaning for me. I will be adding a “Gingerism” to share the wisdom of my mom from a woman whose life was well-lived, loved and served.

    During February, email me at info@kristenmagnacca.com and tell me what you love most about yourself. Is it your eyes or your hands? Is it your sense of style? What about you makes you say “Dang I am so beautiful…..” when you look in the mirror? Do you say that? By the end of the year, we all will be screaming our self-love from the mountaintop!

    Stay tune for freebies, tid bits, sharing and so much more! Let me know if you’d like to share your “Sparkle UP tips with us” because we all have moments of heartbreak and pure bliss and we are all in this together!

    Great love! And Happy 10th Birthday to Love & Infertility!
    Kristen

  • Mind Belly Connection Fertility and Wellness Summit

    Listen to Kristen and all the other great speakers at the January 2014 Mind Belly Connection Fertility and Wellness Summit. Upgrade for all sorts of goodies.

    "It was a true pleasure to have the opportunity to connect with Kristen during The Mind Belly Connection Fertility and Wellness Summit, as "Love and Infertility" had such a huge impact on me during my own fertility journey. Kristen really teaches us that big shifts can happen through simple changes. Starting each day by saying "THANK YOU". Wow, what a different way to begin the day; what a different energy to step in to each day with."

    Molly Nichols
    Founder and CEO
    The Mind Belly Connection

  • Holding Hope

    In my job as an emotional support consultant and fertility coach who works closely with clinics, I connect with hope on a daily basis and consider myself to be a “holder of hope” for others.

    Hope holding as a conscious practice meansto stand as a quiet presence of support for patients, fertility doctors, nurses and others. I hold onto hope, even when it seems elusive. This can be especially true during the darkest part of any cycle – when a patient is told that their fertility treatment has failed.

    Many times I have witnessed infertility nurses taking on the difficult job of being the bearer of this type of bad news. I have watched as they have tenderly and lovingly spoken to patients about the determination of the medical team to help them succeed.

    They seem to almost brace themselves for the impactful moment when it seems as though the earth shook with hopelessness as the patient felt and understood the weight of this devastating news,

    And one might ask, where is hope at these moments?

    My personal journey through fertility challenges had me screaming out loud, “This is hopeless!” after receiving the news of a failed cycle.

    But what I know now that I wish I knew then is that hope is a sustainable invisible essence that keeps us moving forward with intent and fortitude. It should be shouted from the rooftops and be a shared experience, especially during a profoundly anxious time.

    Just like oxygen, the essence of hope is limitlessly available to us, but we sometimes forget and think hope only is granted to those who are achievers, the “haves” versus the “have-nots.”

    I have had the honor of bearing witness to the impact of women breaking down only to summon up the fortitude to grab onto the power of hope and get back up while continuing on with laser focus to achieve their goal of being a mom.

    For me, hope is the unwavering belief that you are worthy of receiving and creating all that is based on the highest and best for you. Regardless of what barriers are placed in your way, you are worthy and loved beyond measure. Hope fuel is always there, like a much needed gas station when your tank is dangerously low.

    The expectation and desire of receiving is the definition of hope described in the Virtue Card shared below. When our mind (ego) slips away from our heart (soul), which is the holder of hope for all, we forget that hope is unlimited and feel as though we can’t go on.

    So what do we do when we feel this despair? Just acknowledge that you are feeling hopeless, you can’t go on (at this moment) and let someone else hold the space for you to “go there” and release those feelings. We are never truly hopeless. Hopelessness is a feeling and our feelings change.

    Don’t settle for hopelessness! Keep your eyes peeled to the vision of your dreams and let yourself be blinded by hope. Know that the trials and tribulation of this current journey will be soon forgotten when you reach the end.

    Please feel free to print and keep the Hope Virtue Card with you as a visual reminder that hope is certain and you are a holder of hope, especially on those days that you are feeling hopeless. Chose a person that is your hope holder to walk this time with you.

    Hoping that your hope overflows!
    Kristen

  • Presence

    Did you realize this year there are only three weekends between Thanksgiving and Christmas? And Hanukkah begins on Wednesday, November 27, and ends the evening of Thursday, December 5!

    Realizing the timing of this season caused a wave of “panic” to rush over me, but then I popped out of fear (ego) and back into love.

    Sure, there are presents to purchase and to-do’s to complete, but I changed the question that I was asking myself to:

    Do I need to replay that old tape again this year? Do I really need to call in the frenetic energy wave? Nope!

    I then asked myself internally…how about connecting to the spirit of this time in a new way?

    One of the definitions of a present is to “hand over” and that is one of the to-do’s I look forward to. I love giving gifts at this time of year and seeing the joy that the gift creates. Watching the recipient open the gift is the greatest gift of all!

    The other meaning of present is “to submit,” which also could mean letting go. How do we let go of the “holiday crunch” feeling? The gotta get it all done feeling? Hmm… could it be the same energy wave of the pressure of procreation? I would like to suggest experimenting with the practice of being present for others.

    Be fully engaged within the experience and make the “choice” to stay connected to the love or compassion part of your soul.

    For me, I have found that within the practice comes the perfection of learning a lesson and I have a mantra: “It all will get done; it always does." I let go of my ideal of perfectionism.

    Being a single, full-time working mom, things have shifted and reshaped for me. I don’t allow my undies to get into a bunch anymore! It’s a choice.

    If there are shoes by the door, beds unmade (still working through this one) and the house has a lived-in feel, I shift my focus to all of the things that went smoothly and remind myself “I am at peace."

    Ask yourself what are you willing to let go of that no longer serves you. The spirit will give you an answer! I promise.

    In the meantime, check out your homework for the holiday season with an exercise to let go of what no longer serves you. And talking about undies in a bunch, check out my new favorite skivvies from Victoria’s Secret! Perhaps you can add them to your present wish list!

    Wishing you all a blessed, peaceful & joyous holiday season! God Bless!
    Kristen

  • Goodwill and Babies Borne from Super Storm Sandy

    Guest Blog by Dawn Gannon

    Building Partnerships to Enhance Corporate Valuation

    It’s hard to believe that the one-year anniversary of Super Storm Sandy has come and gone. While the storm was devastating for so many people in so many ways, it also provided opportunities for collaboration between competitors within the fertility community.

    Just in case you haven’t heard, I am talking about the extra-ordinary collaboration between NYU Fertility Center, Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York, and New Hope Fertility Center to ensure that patients affected by the storm were able to continue building their families. As NYU’s Dr. Jamie Griffo has pointed out, the immediate, open arms response to a call for assistance from a competing practice to serve patients, regardless of who’s they were, showcases a tremendous dedication to community and quality care by everyone involved. In short, it was an expanded team effort, not one cycle failed, and the “Sandy Saves” are now a year old.

    Writing for Entrepreneur recently, Lewis Howes pointed out that partnerships matter; even, and sometimes especially, with your competitors. Without partnerships, both inside and outside NYU during and in the aftermath of Super Storm Sandy, many patients would have lost a precious opportunity to build their families – not to mention thousands of dollars. Instead, the collaboration between competitors not only ensured continuation of quality care in an emergency situation, it also enhanced the corporate valuation of all the clinics involved.

    Creating or enhancing value for all of your stakeholders, both internal (think employees) and external (think patients/clients) increases their satisfaction with your business, which in turn increases positive interactions, and eventually your bottom line.

    As you begin (or continue) to plan for 2014, consider reaching out to your competitors, and others, in the fertility community to build partnerships, which can enhance corporate valuation with all of your stakeholders.

    One last thought – Congratulations to NYU and New Hope Fertility, who are being honored for their remarkable partnership at RESOLVE’s Night of Hope on November 6th. I hope to see you all there!

    Dawn Gannon

    Before founding her own consulting firm, Dawn Gannon served as a respected management professional in the nonprofit military, higher education, and healthcare fields for 25 years. Dawn’s commitment and personal mission to improve the lives of others through service to the community focuses on providing administrative and volunteer management,consumer education, public outreach, event planning, relationship-building efforts,and strategic planning. She is also a published author on the topic of childfree living.

     

  • In the Middle

    Have you ever been in the middle of a discussion and felt as though you’re in a bind? You’re neither in nor out, but caught between two polarized ways of approaching the topic or situation?

    Feeling unsure if you should swing right or left? Should you sit quietly or jump in with your thoughts? Or perhaps the “middle” feeling you recently experienced was about being in the middle of a choice and you were not sure which option to choose.

    When faced with a choice about which direction you should take, how do you proceed? The sure fire best choice is to follow your heart’s direction. Be true to yourself and your self-integrity.

    This involves creating a practice of ‘hanging out’ on your ‘witness platform.’ The ‘witness platform’ is a practice of remaining in a neutral position and connecting to the unlimited source of you and observing the situation to a conclusion.

    My tag line is Identify your true potential. I hope all of you can discover your true potential based on your integrity. This involves making choices that comes back to your core values because at the end of the day, your life is always between you and you… or you and God.

    So when faced with making a decision, you are really never in the middle if you’re within yourself. The miraculous thing about this belief is that your higher self, the all-knowing part of you, will move forward with ease and grace.

    Here’s an example. I am not a vengeful person. It is truly not my nature to look at life that way, but when I am confronted with someone who has that mentality, I feel ‘stuck in the middle.’

    This middle feeling triggers a reaction of protection and fear that polarizes me, but then my “system” kicks in.

    Here is what you can do to create your own witness platform when confronted with a similar situation:

    • Begin with breathing. Allow breath to came in.
    • See yourself standing at a place (imagine a specific image), and become the audience, witness or observer, removing yourself from the “movie.” Soul eyes are watching now.
    • Watch the scene as if it is happening outside you, not happening to you.
    • React from a place of neutrality.
    • Then make your decision based on your integrity.

    The practice of the Witness Platform is a powerful form of peace creation within yourself so that regardless of what is happening outside of you. Your inner calm will create a clarity of choice.

    Peace,
    Kristen

  • In the Meantime

    Guest Blog by Christina Burns L.Ac

    The common thread between most systems of medicine is to find a single diagnosis. Theoretically this approach will lead to an effective treatment. Unfortunately most cases involve a complex interplay of mental, emotional and physical factors which influence our overall state of health. Even those with a seemingly specific diagnosis such as endometriosis, poor sperm quality or polycystic ovaries may not respond to treatment as expected. Is there really a “eureka!” in the journey towards parenthood that can put us on the right path? For some it may seem that way but many are left in a state of limbo when the answer turns out not to be so clear.

    Where does that leave us? The powerlessness we feel in this journey when we are not given a reason for our suffering creates an incessant search for answers. A search, which for the most part, is occurring outside of ourselves.Perhaps at the doctor, the blogs, the acupuncturist, the energy healer, and so on.

    What is one to do? Allow the journey to serve you by giving you an opportunity to learn how to enhance your fertility through better health practices and become your best self. Try to be as invested in your journey as you are in your goal. Eat healthy, enjoy time with loved ones, praise yourself for your many talents and express gratitude for the many gifts you have been given. Know that in this tumultuous time you are developing capacities that you would have never had the opportunity to develop had you not been challenged in this way. Your strength and empathy will serve not only you but also your family and others who are so blessed to have shared in your wisdom.

    So, in the meantime, be kind to yourself and others. Let aside your expectations and cultivate an open heart to allow your answer to come because it will. And as amazing as it will be, it may not always arrive in the form you had expected.

    May your journey set the stage for a life of love, light and happiness.

    Best wishes,
    Christina Burns L.Ac

    Christina has been working in the field of holistic health for over 10 years during which she has trained with renowned women's health specialists locally and internationally. Christina works in close collaborations with other health care professionals in order to provide her patients with the best care through an integrative medical framework. Her practice in Manhattan is geared towards helping her patients manage their reproductive health holistically through acupuncture, nutrition and lifestyle counselling. You can contact Christina by email at Christinaburnsacu@gmail.com or by phone at (347) 987-8994.

     

     

  • I am Peace

    The other day, I was knee deep with “doing.” You know “doing” all the necessary things to keep my household humming. I checked off my to do list and realized that, moment-by-moment, I was prioritizing what needed to be done.

    This or that, not this, that next, make lunches now, let the dog out next!

    I stopped for a second and realized that the underlying pressure that usually resideson my chest wasn't there.

    My body’s unconscious response to the day’s “have to do” listhad lessened, changed and shifted from dread to joy. I packed lunches and my children and I did everything we needed to do to get out the door by 7:00 AM and this was all done with a smile on our faces. It was as if I was driving a standard shift car, unconsciously going with the flow.

    The intensity behind the to do items wasn't there. Instead it was replaced with a smile and the wisdom of knowing it will all get done, perhaps not as “perfectly” as I might have done it in my former intensity filled world (judgment), but all will be done, easy peesy lemon squeezy!

    The inner wisdom of my heart and a divine flow to the day had taken over me and I started to laugh. Just as I had been unconscious to the holding, clenching and restrictive way of being, I was likewise unconscious to the flow until that moment. Then it was like I had achieved a V-8 moment of realization.

    For the past three years, I had put to live in peace on my Goals List. It definitely was not a tangible or accountable goal because it is hard to define peace.

    When I wrote the goal “Our home life is peaceful and joyous,” my children and I were in undeniable chaos.

    So the ‘ah ha’ moment came all wrapped up and pretty! There it was, the gift from the chaos, heartbreak and sadness of life’s happenings. In order to know definable peace, I needed to walk through chaos and pain to get to the other side. It was like walking over a bridge to the other side of a rough river, looking back, and then exclaiming!: “Oh that’s where I was, but now I’m here.”

    It was within that ‘this or that’ moment that I realized the underflow of peace. I understood and knew that all is well, that it will be done in divine time and that family and health are the most important to me.

    So how do you transform the hard driven day into a day that resonates with peace and quiet and connects to the peace of knowing?

    You need to go through the duality of the chaos and negative energy and witness what it feels like, and then go about your day.

    I’m not saying to simply ‘let it go,’ because I used to get seriously bothered when someone would say that to me! “Let it go and relax and then you’ll get pregnant” was not what I wanted to hear. It is not like letting go of a balloon and watching it lift up and away from you. It is not that letting go.

    I am referring to a re-learning of a system of being conscious within yourself and your life.

    You need to awake and accept without judgment the person you are right now, including the chaos and challenges in your life. You must feel loving kindness towards who you are! Then claim what you want to be. You could start by simply stating out loud:

    I am!
    I am peace.
    I am love.
    I am powerful.

    Ask yourself what you are feeling and then hang out with that feeling… all the while knowing that feelings change along with your life circumstances.

    I am peace.

    Abundant blessings!
    Kristen

  • Free Everyday Certainty CD

    Come see Kristen at the Fertility Planit New York Conference and you'll be eligible to receive a free copy of her Everyday Certainty CD!

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  • My Response to "Selling the Fantasy of Fertility"

    I just read the New York Times opinion piece about “Selling the Fantasy of Fertility” written by Pamela Tsigdonis and Miriam Zoll and my keyboard is smoking!!! I feel the need to voice my opinion.

    All I can say is WOW!

    I wholeheartedly agree with the two authors that “being unable to bear children is a painful burden to carry,” but I don’t agree with the authors about lumping all of us within the “fertility industry” into the same category and judging us as uncaring or non-compassionate.

    Fertility challenges are heartbreaking, life altering and just plain ugly.

    I am an advocate of “fertility challenges” being an inside job because this life circumstance brings to light the gaping wound of worthiness.

    We are worthy of our own choices and determining what is correct for us at each given moment. We are all doing the best we can within the confines of our life.

    Our heart, mind and soul all are part of reproduction just as science, aka the body. The soul’s journey is personal to each and every one of us.

    You must move through the self-imposed victim role when you decide to create your family differently than the way you probably imagined.

    I lost myself to my personal fertility challenges. The experience changed, shifted and altered me while it also made me stronger and more devoted to helping others move through this heartbreak to land in an inner place of peace. There is peace in knowing you are enough and have done all that you need and are loved beyond measure.

    Losing my first baby, through a horrific ectopic pregnancy achieved after treatment, sent me into victimizing the fertility world. I became unrecognizable to myself and then, snap, something divine took over; I made an agreement with God to help other women avoid this pain, if possible, and help shepherd them to the other side of the emotional trauma.

    My intent is to do this without judgment of self or others! Let’s come together and heal our pain, bring it to light and be together in unity. Let’s be together with the intent of healing and sharing knowing that we are not alone on this journey.

    I am the part of the fertility industry and my intention is to be of service to others! There is power in hope and faith and I am glad to be on the side of hope.




  • My Struggle with Infertility

    By Tracey

    Going through infertility can be such a lonely, sad experience. It seems that everyone around you is moving forward creating perfect little families and you are left behind.

    When my husband and I decided to start a family, I assumed it would happen quickly. I was in my late twenties so why not? I didn’t know anyone else that had struggled with infertility. Instead month after month I was not pregnant and all my friends were expecting their first child. I hate to admit it, but I struggled to be happy for all of them. I had a smile on my face but inside I was a mess with jealousy and sadness.

    I had all the tests and my diagnosis was unexplained infertility. It was so discouraging. How do you treat a problem you don’t even know exists I began to have trouble sleeping, suffered from high levels of anxiety and negative thoughts. I couldn’t think about anything else but trying to have a baby.

    Things got so much better for me when I took a suggestion to participate in a mind, body class for infertility. Here I met women just like me going through the pains of infertility. I could breathe again. When I was having a bad day, I had women I could talk to that new exactly what I was going through. And I learned the power of meditation and breathing exercises to calm myself down.

    It was during this time that I suffered my second miscarriage. I was so tired of the doctor appointments, medicines, ultrasounds and the waiting game of knowing if I was pregnant or not. I wanted to take back control of my life. I decided I wanted to learn about adoption. I was scared of the unknown but I started to realize that I didn’t need to give birth to my child…I just wanted a child to love and to be a mom!

    My husband was a little nervous at first. After all, we have all heard the horror stories of people waiting for years to adopt and then to have a birthmother decide she wants her baby back. But after an informational meeting with an adoption attorney we felt so much better.

    We learned that in a domestic adoption (adopting within the US) you can adopt a newborn baby and minimize your risk by working with a reputable adoption attorney or agency. Specifically one that works in only those states with favorable adoption laws. For example, some states only allow the birthmother to change her mind within 48 hours of relinquishing rights where others allow up to six months.

    Once we decided to move forward I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait to get started with the process and get closer to starting our family. Within 3 months our home study was complete and within 5 more months I was holding my beautiful baby girl. I still can’t believe it all happened that quickly. She was the miracle we were waiting for. .. the answer to our prayers.

    I did go on to have another miscarriage when Lily was 11 months old and we were heartbroken. I am an only child and desperately wanted Lily to have a sibling. When we were waiting to adopt our second child, I got pregnant for the fourth time. It was completely unexpected as we had given up on a healthy pregnancy. This time it stuck and although I was a nervous wreck my entire pregnancy, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who we named Hope.

    Now I honestly feel like everything happens for a reason. If I hadn’t gone through infertility then I wouldn’t have my beautiful daughter, Lily. And now I have two miracles for different reasons. If I could go back in time I would tell myself not to be so worried, take a deep breath and know that one way or another it will all work out.


  • Transition Time

    It’s transition time again as summer turns into fall and we all return from vacation to our regular work or school schedule. But something else is going on too! The universe is beckoning us; can you hear it calling your name?

    Mother earth is getting ready for the harvest season with its many colors and magical shifts of nature. We need to get ready for a change, feel the energy and move forward fearlessly into a new stage of life that embraces change. It is time to let go of judgment of yourself as well as others.

    This month my children entered middle school and high school respectively and on orientation day I wondered how that could already be happening. Time seems to fly by so rapidly and here I stand a mom of a ten year old and a fifteen year old. Flashes of my fertility challenges raced across my mind, and the thoughts of never being a mom echoed too.

    The twists and turns of life happen in a blink of an eye; there are heartbreaking transitions and moments that take your breath away.

    Creation contains phases. The dip or gulp, as I refer to it, is the moment of impact when you get the jolt that you're on the edge, of giving up or the edge of giving into your fiercely held intention. This is the surrender.

    What are you saying to yourself when "what you planned" is totally out of the picture from your original intention? Do you move forward without judging or do you hold on for dear life to the one possibility?

    Driving away from orientation day, I let the emotions of this transition time spill out of me. I realized that I need to honor the little moments more by truly being present for the interactions of the heart and soul, the good, the not so good and the perceived ugly by reminding myself that there is a master plan and time is fleeting and really doesn't hold anything over you. The only important measurement is each moment

    Please know you will create what you intend in your own cycle of creation by learning. Shift by focusing on what you have learned about yourself in the process and release judgment of the journey.

    I can hear you!! Yah, right lady, focus on now, when my heart is breaking because_______(Fill in the blank: I am not pregnant! my levels aren't right, my husband/wife doesn't want to do another cycle, I am so tired of this I can't go on with treatment., etc., etc.)

    Just know that your feelings will lead you where you need to go and listen to the direction behind the feelings because they will lead you along within the process. Make them your guides. Please read this month’s guest blog from Tracey Grady, who speaks of the point of surrender after moments of heartbreak and clarity of direction

    Refer back to my "name it" blog for help with this!!! Love yourself through your feeling and look for the opportunity within the feeling. If you’re stuck, ask yourself how you can make it better and then expect a reply in a hunch, synchronicity and a divinely orchestrated miracle.

    Happy Harvesting!
    Great Blessings, Kristen


  • Sweet Mother Freedom

    Egg Freezing: Opening Up Women to All the Possibilities!

    Recently while I was in the waiting room of my primary care physician, I flipped through a magazine – maybe a style or fashion one – and stumbled upon an article about a woman’s journey to freezing her eggs.

    She started with sharing that her ole biological clock was ticking away, and then described her dash to date so she could find someone to marry. This was driven by her maternal desire to be a mom. Of course, all of this was extremely stressful and it was driving her life; each encounter and each exchange with a man was driven by the tick, tick, and tick of her biological clock. She couldn’t help but size up the man internally, asking herself if he could be the one or was he husband material and did he meet her baby daddy criteria.

    Then she made the decision to freeze her eggs and she viewed life with new eyes!

    She dated freely and made out with lots of men with no sense of wasting her time and without the wondering voice in her head, screaming that she was wasting time!!! Here’s the “what else:" she starting enjoying her life and began living in the moment.

    Knowing that she had time, the pressure was taken off her shoulders and each suitor wasn’t a potential husband/father but rather someone she could spend time with and begin a new adventure.

    So after reading this, all of a sudden I felt a surge of emotion.

    I had walked in her shoes and was that woman 20 years ago! The largest bubble of emotions came up…. I wanted to scream HALLELUJAH for WOMEN!!

    This is the part where I write that I had to walk 20 miles to school in the driving snow, and I didn’t complain!!

    NO, it’s the part where I write that I am so grateful that the women in the generations after me are going to be living during a time of medical advancement that will open up a multitude of possibilities for them and a change in their mindset. These advances will help create a new culture of women taking back their power.

    Thank you to the author of that article in the unknown magazine because it is goddess wisdom well shared!

    I still vividly remember two decades ago when I announced during Thanksgiving dinner that I would be going sperm shopping and planned to have a child by myself because I was turning 30. Oh, what a ruckus that caused!

    Congratulations! There are so many options about retaining fertility and creating a life on your own terms. But here’s one piece of wisdom for you young whippersnappers of this generation and future generations….

    Education, education, education: seek, seek, seek knowledge and information…. Look to the wisdom of the generation before you that has experienced life but in a different manner…. Seek out experts in the fertility industry; it’s an industry now!

    Create your fertility game plan now, even if you’re alone and currently don’t have a perspective partner.

    Create your plan from the heart!!! It is your life and your dreams. If you don’t know how to do that, listen in on Tell all Tuesday and I’ll share how for the next few months!!

    Create breathing space to make a decision from the heart and the inner knowledge that is within you.

  • Name It!

    Last month’s article described ridiculous fear and how when we find ourselves firmly entrenched in fear, we lose our heart connection and our old mind or ego overrides the “you” system.

    The old ego’s job is to make sense of life’s happenings and keep you in a box -- the safety box.

    During my fertility treatments, I refused to use the word infertile. I referred to myself as being fertility challenged and defined this as a momentarily blip in the ability to connect to my energy of life creation. I just couldn't utter the word infertile because I knew that I wasn’t.

    Here's the thing though. If you stuff down the feeling behind fertility challenged, it truly doesn't matter what your logical brain names the situation, it all will be viewed the same. So what are you calling your current life experience?

    Here's a place to start.

    I am feeling ______! Or ask yourself what you are feeling. And stay with the waves of emotion until you get to the core one. You might start with anger or anguish and then peel the layer and find sadness and then peel the layer again and find exhaustion. And then you get to the core of the emotion and feel just plain confused. After all the peeling, feel the release and then the joy of coming into balance.

    You are not your experience; you actually are constantly in balance, peace and love. But you must listen inward and accept this as truth.

    Start with the feeling and then name what's happening. If you get in the habit of trusting your feelings and are honest with yourself about them, you begin to create a stamina of trust, connecting to your consistent flow of empowerment from within!! Then the experience will pass by you and you can observe it rather than allowing it to become the script of the “you” movie.

    I feel extremely blessed to have the privilege to work with so many wonderfully powerful women during their family creation journey.

    Naming the feeling brings a sense of freedom to the moment. It takes a practice of saying things like:

    Saying: “I am feeling extremely frustrated because I am not pregnant.” versus “I will never get pregnant.”

    “I am feeling so alone” versus “No one understands.”

    Can you see the difference?

    I often say that feelings are like your undies…. You should check and make sure you changed them daily if they don’t go with your outfit!!!

    Feelings are forever changing. You need to practice conscientiously making the commitment to acknowledging, releasing and choosing happiness and balance because that is who you truly are.

  • Ridiculous Fear

    The other day I had a rant, a total unexpected unnecessary rant.

    Words flew out of my mouth filled with piss and vinegar.

    Has that happened to you recently? The “you,” who typically is cool and calm, just snaps under the pressure.
The pressure of it all….The pressure of holding it all together;

    The pressure of juggling it all, and then the last speck of pressure comes in. It could be a simple request:

    • A request to change an appointment;
    • A request to do one more thing;
    • A request that you don't agree with; or
    • A request or information that causes a change.

    And Kaboom! The you, the one you know to be your truth, just blows! 
Some foreigner takes over you and you know in that instance, regret will soon follow.

    It's fear again. Ridiculous fear overruns your perspective.  Ridiculous fear interrupts your connection with your heart and short-circuits your mind.

    So what can you do when your heart connection gets that static interruption?  
Here a to-do list! 

    • 
Look at your feet. 
    • Ground yourself. 
    • Then call in your angels and ask for help with acknowledgement.
    • Acknowledge your reaction.

    • Acknowledge your true feelings behind the reaction.
    • 
Take responsibility for your reaction.  Own it!

    • Breathe.


    Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, if there is a receiver of the reaction, Remember the more you take the stance of resistance the more you'll be met with resistance.


    Apologize if needed.

    
Love yourself. Giggle at yourself. 
Acknowledge your learning as learning.


    Thank the ridiculous fear.


    Go in peace.

  • Are You White Flagging It?

    When you hear the word surrender, do you immediately imagine a skinny pole with a white handkerchief on it, as if you are surrendering to some unknown enemy's advances?

    The Definition of SURRENDER is:

    1a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand

    b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

    2a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another, especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)

    During the challenges and heartbreak of my personal fertility journey, I fit definition "2a." I felt imprisoned by the defeated feelings of my circumstances.  But then a shift occurred and I let true surrender come into my life.  When I did, I then felt a recalibration of its meaning.

    For me, to surrender means to surrender to oneself or to the divinity within and to divine timing.  This does not mean you give up, but rather give up your challenges and turmoil to the all, to the one, the I AM.

    Giving it to God, The Higher Power or the Universe releases us from the lower perception and moves us to the sense that we are not alone

    We were born in the likeness of the Creator, whomever you believe that is, and we are here to know, love and serve the Lord...

    My way of living in this amazing planet is to know, love and serve myself and others because we all have the God light within.

    Are you reading and saying "Yah right, sista, sure!  What are you talking about?"

    It wasn't until the day I fell onto my knees in my bathroom, broke down and gave up my fertility journey to the Lord that things shifted.

    Giving and surrendering this burden to someone other than myself empowered me to move forward.  It means coming to terms that you not alone and worthy of all that you deserve.

    You're not being punished.

    You're not being made to pay for some passed indiscretions.

    You're not unworthy.

    You are powerful.

    You are amazing.

    You are healthy.

    You are fertile.

    You are loved.

    You are worthy of all...

    You are worthy!!!

    Hear it and feel it!  Unlimited love and worthiness are yours.

  • Mother's Day Inspirational Meme

    We hope you download and share on social media this inspirational "meme" designed specifically for Mother's Day to give you hope and inspiration on your fertility journey. Download by clicking "control" while clicking on the photo and then "Save Image As" on your computer. Next upload to your Facebook page or Twitter account.


  • Here and Now

    Day 7 National Infertility Awareness Week: Seven Days to an Easier Way

    I recently completed the 21-day Oprah and Deepak Meditation Challenge and I am hoping to begin it again. Each day we received a centering thought and completed a meditation on that thought along with a suggestion for a “mindful moment."

    I’d like to share day five with you on day seven of NIAW. On day five our centering thought was: I flow in rhythm with my mind and body.

    And our MINDFUL MOMENT was…
    Today, commit to staying grounded in the present. Whenever you find yourself worrying about the past or feeling fearful about the future, take three deep breaths to bring yourself back to the here and now.

    What I know now about my fertility or creative journey is that when fear comes in, your flow between your mental body, your mind and your physical body gets interrupted.I t is as if the phone lines go dead between them. So how do you stay connected?

    Being present in the moment is the practice of meditation; just breath and you’ll be in the now!

    So for today, when “those” charged or worry thoughts come in, do what Oprah and Deepak (we’re on first name basis, lol) instructed to us to do on Day 5 of the 21-day challenge… three deep breaths!

    Here’s to being in the ‘Here and now’!
    https://www.facebook.com/appcenter/578175265528808?fb_source=search&redirect_uri=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oprahdeepakmeditation.com%2F&fref=ts


  • The Negative Thought Train

    Day Six of National Infertility Awareness Week: Seven Days to an Easier Way

    In my April newsletter I mentioned April Fool's Day and asked if you had been fooling around. I wanted to know if you had experienced a feeling of light spiritedness, joy or just plain goofiness.

    I also shared this link to the Mayo Clinic’s Website entitled: Stress Release from Laughter. Yes, this is not a joke about stress release from laughter.

    Believe me, my fertility journey was no laughing matter and I was hard pressed to smile, never mind belly laugh!
    But we have a daily choice to call in joy or to do something that can cultivate that laugh out loud feeling.You know, the one from childhood where milk shot out of your nose because your BFF made you laugh and you couldn’t stop! Can you take a moment and connect to that memory? Or perhaps it was a more recent memory created by your husband or partner?

    Can you take a moment and close your eyes and relive one of those experiences? If not, on the sixth day of NIAW (like the twelfth day of Christmas), I want to give you a Day without Tears! Spongebob!! Really, watch it! You can’t help but laugh!

    Just remember your body will be bathe in a rush of brain feel-good chemicals. So enter the Universal Laughter Room.


  • Act Versus React

    Day Five of National Infertility Awareness Week

    Act vs. React

    What is your safety valve?

    We all have an automatic response that is triggered when we sense danger or fear. Our body’s natural reaction is to go into fight or flight, and your body is doing exactly what it is designed to do. Studies have shown that the body reacts or triggers the fight or flight response when the trigger is in the mind or there is a a perceived threat or one is actually present.

    Perceived threats I used to go into automatic fight or flight just listening to my nightly orders from the clinic for that evening’s drug administration; my body would spring into fight or flight for fear if I might not respond properly to the medication. This happened, sometimes, even before the orders were given. My heart would race, my body would get flushed and I would sweat! Talk about creating a reaction!

    This scenario might resonate with you too… that for some reason you find yourself reacting and instead of acting.

    So how do you become conscience of your automatic reaction and how do you make a different choice?
    Being fully present for the situation is essential. I remember having a reaction to someone telling me to be present during the fertility journey and saying out loud to them “how much more present can I get?" I’m poked and prodded and definitely in the room for all the procedures!"

    But here’s the “what I know now that I wish I knew then” advice about being present:
    Feel the feeling. Let them come. Don't try to block them, push them down or deny them.  Let them come full force, knowing that you’re in a fight or flight mode. Feel it and release.

    Phew, that's it. Simply being present for you. Then after you practice feeling and releasing, bring this awareness to the upcoming event that is making you an anxious. 

    Rehearse this self-dialogue: Every time I call the doctor’s office or listen to my nightly orders, I have a physical reaction. I chose to listen to my body and acknowledge its message….

    Just the simple act of acknowledging a pattern can and will shift your awareness. Count to ten and take three deep breaths before embarking on a task. This will call in “acting” energy and put you in your power zone!

    Every human has four endowments- self-awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.
    Stephen Covey


  • Residual Embryos: How Decisions Are (Not) Being Made

    Guest Blogger Amy Demma, Esq., Law Offices of Amy Demma

    Residual Embryos: How decisions are (not) being made

    About a year ago, I was part of a team at RESOLVE New England that launched a new and very exciting support group intended to allow for a casual exchange of thoughts and concerns related to cryopreserved residual embryos. My colleague and I, a mental health professional experienced with matters related to assisted family building, led the group; each of us having had both professional and personal experience with embryo disposition decision making. We were both eager to connect with other folks who, like me, had struggled with reaching a final decision about excess embryos.

    Support groups are not my thing, I had attended only one such meeting prior to kicking-off this new group, I really had no idea what to expect. I’ve had plenty of experience offering legal counsel to infertility patients, I have given countless presentations at RESOLVE (and on behalf of other organizations) around a particular matter for which folks are seeking advice, facts and direction for next steps. I went to the group with a folder filled of information on disposition options, my colleague had delved into the research our mental health community has published on this matter. We were prepared.

    What we encountered, though, was a dynamic completely different then anticipated. We met with folks not yet in decision-making mode. We met one couple struggling to meet the monthly storage fees while still uncertain if their family building had been completed. We met another who wondered whether or not long-term storage might prove beneficial should a family member need stem-cells if faced with an illness. Another attendee had not yet completed her first IVF cycle but wanted to be informed about possible left-over embryos. I shared that my husband and I had struggled with concerns that should a tragedy take both of us at the same time, our children would then be left to make a decision about our embryos, a decision he and I were having such a hard time making. We didn’t really explore the options; maybe that will happen in a next meeting, rather, we shared in empathy and support, our personal stories. One woman shared that she felt compelled to be quiet about this matter out of sensitivity for others still on their family building journey. There were expressions of gratitude and also expressions of guilt, mostly though, we talked about indecision.

    My colleague took us through a multi-step process in identifying the reasons for our respective procrastination. She offered some incredibly useful tools and some terrific insight as to why this decision is so darn tough. We hoped that clinics would come to understand that many folks simply are stuck. We promised to take this information back to our professional community so that we can all reconsider what resources we might be able to make available to those facing this incredibly complex decision. We promised to hold the group again without asking if any of our attendees would return. We had no idea if we would find ourselves meeting with a whole new group or if the discussions begun in the first meeting would continue into our next. Whatever was to become of this group, after that first meeting, we left understanding its value and the value, for that matter, of the support group forum. I intended to approach a next meeting with my folder of disposition options, my colleague, I expected, would again have her research at the ready. But most importantly, the door would again be opened to any and all who just want to talk about excess embryos, not necessarily decisions, but just to share thoughts.

    Fast forward to just about a year later…sadly, I report, the group has not progressed, in fact, we only met one more time. What we found, my colleague and me, is that this topic, this very matter of residual embryos and decision-making around it is hushed one. We found little interest in continued attendance, frankly. We were saddened but determined that we had to continue to offer other opportunities for open and honest discussion….those still dealing with residual embryos and prospective parents hoping to access those embryos for family building through embryo donation, for example, deserve our commitment to continue talking. And so, we will.

    About Amy Demma

    Amy Demma is a New York licensed attorney and founder of Law Offices of Amy Demma, a practice focused on assisted family building. She is credentialed in Family Mediation through Harvard Law School.

    Amy is actively engaged  in the nation's most established infertility patient advocacy groups and other non-profit and professional organizations.  She sat as the Chair of RESOLVE of New York's Education Committee, served for many years as Vice President on the board at RESOLVE New England and most recently served as President of the
    Executive Committee of the Board of Directors at RESOLVE New England. Amy has been active in the Legal Professionals Group of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine,  the Assisted Reproductive Technology Law Group at the American Bar Association and founded both the New York Fertility Professionals Networking Group as well as the New England Fertility Professionals Networking Group. Most recently, Amy was appointed Legal Advisor to Parents Via Egg Donation.

    Considered an industry expert, Amy is a regular lecturer on matters related to assisted family building and both guest speaks and guest blogs through-out the year.  In 2011, Amy launched Egg Donation Today and Embryo Donation Today, two specialized blogs addressing the many complexities of family building with a donor. Most importantly, Amy and her husband are the proud and blessed parents of college-bound twins conceived through In Vitro Fertilization.

  • Who Has Your Back?

    Day Four of National Infertility Awareness Week

    Surround yourself with uplifting people

    So yesterday we talked about advocating for yourself and what you need and how to get it. It’s a skill to learn to speak up for yourself within one's power. But what happens when you need someone to speak for you or need coaching on how to maneuver the system of creating your family?

    That’s when you broaden your view and team and include professional people to help you move through the journey. Just think, you wouldn’t call a plumber to fix your light switch, would you?

    So, my first go-to person is a reproductive endocrinologist. This doctor’s specialty is to get people in the family way… either through IUI, IVF or donor egg or sperm.

    It can all be so complicated and confusing, especially when your emotional state isn’t in balance. So create your team… your go-to people. First take an inventory of your team: Your reproductive endocrinologist, your nursing team, your friends or confidantes, and your “fertility coach,” who is  your cheerleader. Who do you need and who is fulfilling that need? Make sure you read today’s guest blog by Attorney Amy Demma, who specializes in "Helping Families Come to Be." She is a wealth of knowledge!

  • Advocate for Yourself

    Guest Blog: Davina Fankhauser, President, Fertility Within Reach

    Living with the diagnosis of infertility can be mind-blowing, overwhelming, confusing, frustrating, maddening, depressing, and isolating. So with all this happening, we ask, “Who has your back?” You could do this alone, but you don’t need to. There are millions of people like yourself who have walked in your shoes and could offer support, survival tips, and strategies to care for yourself in the best possible manner. Being your own best advocate gives purpose and reinforces your inner strength. Even the ultimate advocate has a team for support.

    Although infertility is deeply personal, one successful solution to survive is to surround yourself with a team of people that helps you work through the muck and recognize hope along your path. If you are going to write a letter to appeal your insurance denial, who will be your proof-reader? If you are going to a doctor’s appointment and are afraid you’ll forget what is said, who will be there to take notes or remind you what questions you wanted to ask? If you need a break, who will spend a little time with you thinking about nothing related to infertility? If you need to vent, who is your most supportive ear? If you are filled with fear and lack faith, who will share a sense of confidence and hope? Who will have your back? A support group of peers? A therapist? A friend/family member/co-worker? Your doctor/nurse? An online support group (Facebook, Fertile Thoughts, etc.)? A book group? The team members may change over time, and that’s okay. As long as you have a team.

    This goes for men too. Find your team and work your way to the championships. There are highs and lows, but the journey together is priceless. During National Infertility Awareness Week. we encourage to build your team AND/OR be a team member for someone you know.

    About Davina

    Davina Fankhauser, a trained educator and counselor, is a long-term family and children’s advocate with a duo Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and Communications and a Master’s Degree in Education. Davina has personally and professionally lobbied for infertility health benefits, national funding and family-building legislation in Washington D.C. as well as with the insurance industry. She led the strategic effort to update the Massachusetts Definition of Infertility in 2010.

    Davina is driven to teach others how to advocate for themselves in the hope that they will be spared the pain and heartache known to accompany infertility, especially when denied access to timely and appropriate treatment. In addition she is passionate about helping youth preserve their reproductive health.


  • How Low Can You Go?

    Day 3: National Infertility Awareness Week/Seven Days to an Easier Way

    Do you know your boundaries and limits?

    Do you remember playing the limbo game when you were growing up?

    What I remember from my limbo days is that as hard as I tried I would end up landing squarely on my behind, usually with a thud. But as soon as the next game began, I would be right back in line to give it my best shot.

    It’s ironic because the other meaning of the word limbo is “edge of hell," which seems to describe some of the heart breaking moments of the fertility journey.

    Within the lyrics of Chubby Checkers iconic Limbo song is the line “limbo lowers now, limbo lower now." How low can you go?" These lines seem to connect the two definitions to the fertility journey.

    Having had the privilege of witnessing so many powerful, strong, and driven women experience the thud and then get right back up again, I know how low the experience can go! But what I know for sure is that nothing can get in the way of a women with a mission to become a mother.

    So what you need to know is that falls will happen, but what do you need to do during the fall and then during the ascent back up?Advocate for yourself and speak your truth to yourself and your team! You are the only one who knows what you need and how to get it!

    Advocate! Make sure to read Davina’s guest blog for this week… She knows about fertility within reach!!

    I know you got that song in your head now, don’t you???

  • Yoga for Fertility

    Guest Blog: Lisa Rosenthal, Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut

    When you are in fertility treatment, it's challenging to know what's safe to do physically. It's even more challenging to know what's healthy and helpful to do, to enhance your possibility of conception. Keeping the uterus quiet and calm is one piece. Inviting in gentle blood, oxygen and prana (energy) flow is another. We want to keep the reproductive organs nourished and supported. 

    One excellent way to ensure those things is by engaging in certain, specific yoga poses. If you consider the benefits you are trying to achieve, you need look no farther than the cat and cow pose. If kale and quinoa are super foods these days, then cat and cow would be super yoga poses. Cat (Marajari) and cow (Bitilasana) can be done on hands and knees, sitting cross legged or even in a chair. I’ve even done this pose driving my car! The premise of the pose is simple; the undulation of the spine, creating openness and energy flow. Begin by coming to a neutral back, crown extended, tail bone extended. While you inhale, your belly drops (if on hands and knees), your pelvic bowl tilts, your heart/chest extends and your chin rises. This is cow. As you begin your exhale; your pelvic bowl curls so that your tailbone presses towards the earth, your sacrum/lower back presses up to the sky, your shoulders come towards your ears and your chin comes to rest towards or on your chest. This is cat (think of a Halloween cat, arching its back, hissing).

    This pose can afford considerable emotional release and relief as well. Closing your eyes while moving through your breath and movement is relaxing and restorative. Do each pose between ten and twenty times. An extra added benefit is that it’s thought to strengthen the pelvic floor.

    Blessings, 

    Lisa

    About Lisa Rosenthal
    Lisa has over twenty-five years of experience in the fertility field, including her current roles asCoordinator of Professional and Patient Communications for RMACT and teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a class designed to support, comfort and enhance men and women's sense of self. Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association andThe American Fertility Association, where she was educational coordinator, conference director and assistant executive director.


  • Shower Yourself with Acceptance

    Day Two: National Infertility Awareness Week

    Shower Yourself with Acceptance ~ Daily Nurturing Act (I love and accept myself)
    .
    Acceptance is defined by Merriam-Webster online as:
    1:  an agreeing, either expressly or by conduct, to the act or offer of another so that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound;
    2:  the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable; and
    3:  the act of accepting: the fact of being accepted, approval.

    The act of acceptance is sometimes more easily showered on others than on ourselves. We might experience moments when we are more forthcoming of unconditional love towards people in our lives than what we exhibit towards our own mind, body and soul.

    The ability to overlook someone’s shortcomings or our perceived shortcomings is done unconditionally towards another, but sometimes we truly are tougher on ourselves.

    So for Day Two of NIAW (National Infertility (or fertility) Awareness Week), I am hoping to have you shower yourself with unconditional love yourself all daylong!The mantra I use daily is …. I love and accept myself!

    If you like, you can begin a 21-day challenge and simply write the mantra daily for 21 days… it opens you up to appreciation of your body and to self-kindness.

    In a past newsletter, I shared the blessing of the body and will also post that today for your review.
    The blessing of the body
    Also here is a workshop I came across on the web… a nice tool too.
    http://www.doorway-to-self-esteem.com/support-files/blessing_body_worksheet.pdf

    P.S. I love you!!!

  • NIAW Lineup

    Seven Days to an Easier Way:7 inspiring blogs; 3 great events

    • Sunday, April 21 

    Blog: Loving Kindness Towards Yourself and Your Partner

    Guest Blogger Ande Lyons: Flirting

    • Monday, April 22

    Blog: Shower Yourself with Acceptance

    Guest Blogger Lisa Rosenthal of RMACT: Yoga for Fertility

    Event: Chat and Chew Teleseminar at Noon. Register at info@kristenmagnacca.com

    * Tuesday, April 23

    Blog: How Low Can You Go? Know your boundaries and limits

    Guest Blogger Davina Fankhauser of Fertility Within Reach: Advocate for Yourself

    Event: Inaugural Cape Cod NIAW Summit for Infertility Professionals at Brax Landing, Harwich, MA. Info at amy.demma@lawofficesofamydemma.com

    * Wednesday, April 24

    Blog: Who has Your Back? Surround yourself with uplifting people

    Guest Blogger Amy Demma, Esq.

    * Thursday, April 25

    Blog: Act Versus React

    Guest Blogger

    Event: Noon, Facebook Chat on Making Embryo Donation Decisions with reproductive attorneys Amy Demma and Elizabeth Swire Falker. Register at The Stork Lawyer Facebook page.

    * Friday, April 26

    Blog: The Negative Thought Train

    • Saturday, April 27

    Event: Goodie Bag Giveaway

    Blog: Here and Now

  • Loving Kindness

    Day One of National Infertility Awareness Week: Seven Days to an Easier Way

    Did you ever stop to think that this month might be the last month you’re not pregnant?

    Really… you could be pregnant this month and never again be a family of two! I know; you probably don’t want to go there… too much self-protection because of past hurt. Been there also. But let’s play a game for a few seconds and open your mind and heart to this concept.

    We’ve all heard the saying "seize the day," but I am asking you to focus on the loving kindness of your current state of being or couple-hood.

    Go ahead and not only seize the day but seize the month as the last month you might be a family of two! Take a moment and daydream about this….

    Show each other loving kindness and act as if you are in that crazy romantic love stage of a relationship when you can’t keep your hands off each other… Even though we  know that it is all to do with endorphins, right! But that is what I am hoping for you and your husband or partner this month! A month like it was before, before the entire baby creating stuff got in the way.

    Loving kindness towards yourself, your body, mind, soul and heart! Today do something totally unexpected for your partner or your relationship! I know you know what it would be to seize the day and moment of a twosome! And even if for some reason this isn’t the last month, ah, what fun and ease you could call into your being for this time…

    Check out Ande Lyon’s guest blog about flirting!! ~ oh what fun it is!

  • How to Flirt With Your Spouse

    Guest blog by Ande Lyons

    Has your relationship slipped into a rut? Would you like to spice things up but don’t know where to begin?

    I recently read “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel, where she explains how increasing intimacy does not always lead to great sex. In fact, she says “too much closeness impedes desire,” that eroticism needs risk and uncertainty, not predictability.

    If we really want to enjoy the pleasures of hot sex in intimate but otherwise “captive” and predictable relationships, and who doesn’t… then we need to find effective ways to safely and easily create sexual intrigue and uncertainty. Enter those proven stimulants of eroticism and sexual desire… flirting and fantasy. Simply put – great flirting and fantasy lead to great sex!

    To support your personal program of flirtation and fantasy, I’ve suggested seven techniques for flirting with your mate (see below). Keep in mind that the best flirting isn’t just about being loving and affectionate. It’s about using your and your partner’s sexual history and preferences to fire up sexual imagination… in ways that stimulate specific erotic memories and possibilities.

    Here are seven great tips to flirt with your spouse:

    Body language

    Smiling at your husband or wife is the most basic act of flirting. Showing that you genuinely enjoy being with him makes a man feel good! Facial expressions, from a coy smile to a playful wink… tell him you want him. When my husband winks at me, I still get all girly over it. I don’t know what happened to winking, but you guys need to use this handy tool. It works every time!

    The “secret” touch 

    A surreptitious touch is a great way to make her heart beat faster. Instead of draping your arm around your wife’s shoulders at a party, try tracing a fingertip up and down her spine. To make your secret touch more effective, avoid eye contact. Just keep talking to company or whatever it is you’re doing. While you’re playing it cool… her temperature will be rising.

    Hidden message 

    Remember the fun you once had prepping for that ‘special date’ by buying new lingerie and getting a Brazilian wax? That kind of seduction is just so much fun! So why give it up? Give him a special surprise… wear hot lingerie under your business suit… and give him a little peak when you meet for a drink at a cool downtown bar. Message received… hot night tonight! 

    Seal with a kiss 

    As psychologists tell us, men are highly visual, so why not give him a ‘personalized image’ to think about? On a small white card, plant a lipstick kiss in a hot color, and sprinkle a drop or two or perfume on the card. Now write: “These lips are yours, wherever you want them.” Tuck that hot little card in his suit pocket when he isn’t looking and send him a text later that day to ask if he’s found your note. Caution: you just lit his fuse. The explosion will come later…

    Directions please 

    Another clever text to send during the day: “Sweetheart, I bought a new appliance last week and the directions are confusing. I know you’re mechanically inclined… maybe you can help? It’s cylindrical in shape and appears to have energy storage as well. The directions say that it vibrates… rapidly… I’m not exactly sure why, or how it works. Can you please show me?”

    Remember that time? 

    Remember that drawn out groan… and the smile on his face? Or was it the other way around? Either way, you can bet he never forgot that peak moment. Whisper a little reminder of that seminal moment to let him know what’s on your mind. All you need to say is: “I’d love to do that again,” or ”let’s try that again”… and you’ve set the stage for another peak performance!

    Compliment him 

    Sure, he knows you find him attractive; but when was the last time you complimented his sexy arms or marveled at the way he kisses or the way he holds you? Give him an unexpected compliment and watch his manly mood inflate. His mood won’t be the only thing that rises.

    ---------------

    Flirting is even more important in long-term relationships than new ones. Without flirting, affectionate touches, and playful teasing… couples risk losing the spark and passion that separates romantic sexual partners from ordinary platonic friends.

    © 2013 Ande Lyons - Bring Back Desire LLC

    Ande Lyons
    Ande Lyons is certainly familiar with the cry of ‘someone stole my sex drive!’ She and her husband have been loving each other for 27 years and, after navigating ALL the turbulent waves of life events, they’re still turned on and tuned in – with each other. As the founder and Chief Passion Curator for BringBackDesire.com, Ande tastefully and playfully shares tips, tools and resources with women who want more sexual excitement in their lives. Ande is the host of After Dark Radio Show, where she helps couples stay tuned in through her engaging and informative conversations with sexperts and relationship experts.

    An enthusiastic and experienced entrepreneur with an MBA and several successful businesses to her credit, Ande is enjoying a well-balanced life (really!) managing her growing business while raising two wonderful boys with her darling husband.

  • Did You Get Fooled?

    Did you get fooled on April fool's Day? I made it through the day with no fooling!

    No fooling!  Has your day, week or month included fooling around? No, it's not what you're thinking. I mean have you experienced any joy, fun, lightness, airy- fairy energy or bliss?

    Asking that question while you're trying to conceive probably doesn't engender a spontaneous high-five from you right now, does it?

    April holds the  promise of rebirth. The earth is awaking from this very cold, long winter with sure signs lighter days are ahead for us.

    So I am asking you this month to make the choice to connect to the fertile energy of spring!  Even in the darkest moments of the winter, we still have the promise of the light...

    After I lost my first pregnancy and endured many physical complications, I was in a state of great darkness. One day the song "I Just Want to Fly" was stuck in my head. There I was in Marshall's with my fertility buddy purchasing socks and singing this louder than I realized and we just burst out laughing!

    Laughter is the best release of tension, stress and sadness.

    So take a moment and listen to the video of this wonderful song.

    Please join me during National Fertility (you know I don't use the word infertile) Awareness Week, April 21 through April 27, for some soul connecting and uplifting offerings to help you know that you are not alone while creating!

  • For Infertility Providers: NIAW Special


    Have you already planned something special for your patients, clients and staff members during National Infertility Awareness Week, April 21-27? If not, we have something special planned for you.

    With Kristen's assistance, you can show your patients, clients and staff how much you truly care about their emotional health and well-being.

    NIAW SPECIAL for $1000. You can show your appreciation for your patients with:

    • 100 copies of Kristen's award-winning book Love and Infertility (inaugural recipient of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association's Best Book, Coping) to be distributed to patients and/or staff members;
    • A Patient Teleworkshop: A one-hour session that patients can access from the comfort of their home or office and where they can express their feelings in a warm, caring and guilt-free environment and learn Kristen's special coping techniques; and
    • Pre and post workshop follow-up with clients who register for this event.

    As a former fertility patient, Kristen remembers how stressful and tenuous her fertility journey was. There were moments of great despair when she did not know if she could continue with treatment. But she also recalls how certain doctors and nurses reached out to make her feel better emotionally, which made all the difference in forging ahead and ultimately being successful in building her family. Your positive, caring words and actions count in addition to your expert clinical care. They can be one of the major differences in setting your practice apart.

    Please let us know if would like to discuss how Kristen's services can benefit your clinic, agency or fertility organization, whether it is during NIAW or the rest of the year. We can help you build a customized plan that can include:

    • Workshop training for clinicians and other staff members
    • Patient seminars and teleworkshops
    • Distribution of her books as a value-added service and gift to your patients
    • Fertility coaching services 

    We truly believe that forming deep and meaningful relationships with your patients will bring much success to both your patients and clinic.  It is an investment in keeping patients motivated to continue with treatment, be successful and spread the word about your good work.

    Meanwhile, please do not hesitate to contact us with any questions atinfo@kristenmagnacca.com if you want more information about our services or to schedule a phone conversation. You also can visit our Web site atwww.kristenmagnacca.com.

    We look forward to hearing from you soon.

  • March Newsletter: Are You the Windshield or the Bug?

    Do you know where you are in the cycle of creation?

    Sometimes when a crisis or trauma hits, we fixate on the No, what we don't want to experience in our life.  We know in our heart of hearts what the Yes feels, looks and will be like, but for some reason the NO seems to override the Yes and we find ourselves with a sense of internal conflict.

    So how do you deliberately focus on the Yes of creation?

    Many of you know that I love Doreen Virtue's card decks. If you've had a private session with me or listened to a tele-workshop, you know I have a practice of choosing a card for each event.  And miraculously the card is spot-on accurate for the group or person.

    Well, I had the opportunity to pull a card from the Hick's deck, which is new to me, and this line stood out for me:

    Saying Yes and saying No are the same thing in creation because you draw both experiences into your energy field... what are you saying No to that you are focusing your attention on?

    When I was in a treatment, I would constantly shut down the inner dialogue of No or a negative result, which only made the NO voice louder.

    When we accept both the Yes and the No fully we gain inner peace.  Knowing where you are in the cycle of the wheel of creation --  the up or the down cycle, the Yes or the No, the windshield or the bug -- is all part of personal growth.

    Shadow work was the focus of Debbie Ford, God Bless her, as she passed this month, and she is the author of the Dark Side of the Light Chasers, which delves into the understanding of our No's or the shadow aspects of self

    Knowing the feeling of being the windshield and the bug, or losing and winning, I believe creates a deeper sense of gratitude towards our abundance.

    This month, practice calling out if you're feeling like the windshield -- powerful, strong and resilient -- or like the bug that life is splattering around without focus!

    Call it out, name it and feel it... then move on because the cycle will change.

  • Audio Tip: Are You the Windshield or the Bug?

    Audio Tip for March

    Are you the windshield or the bug?

  • De-cluttering Your Life!

    Some Quick and Easy Organizing Tips

    This week, we asked our friend and professional organizer, Nicole Gabai, to give you some expert advice on de-cluttering. 

    Nicole GabaiWhen starting any de-cluttering project, its best to work on it for three hours at a time.  Don't dedicate all day as this causes 'burn out.'  It's a process that needs time to sink in every step of the way.  Once you have your space where you want it to be, maintenance is easy with about 15 minutes a day.  If you can only get to your maintenance time once a week, then 1 hour or so should do it.  Ask yourself, "Do I love this item?  Do I use this item?" if the answer is no, then you have a good start on getting rid of 'stuff.'  Only do one section of the house or office at a time.

    Nicole Gabai is a professional organizer who enjoys creating order out of chaos. Whether assisting you with time management, paper management or creating the perfect closet, her focus is to help you move from feeling stuck, discouraged, overwhelmed or afraid of change to a place of feeling encouraged, hopeful, happier, peaceful and productive so you can move on with your life!

    Nicole will help you design customized solutions for all areas of your life and to discover what systems work specifically for you. You will soon realize that through the process of becoming organized, you will have renewed energy and excitement about your life. To be organized is to be successful.

    Her clients include small business owners, full-time moms, educators, attorneys, doctors, scientists, philanthropists, professionals in the film and TV business, artists and actors.

    Before founding B. Organized in 1999, Ms. Gabai worked in television production for 10 years at MTV, Nickelodeon, and the Orlando Film Commission. 

    She can be reached at 508.532.2715 or at Nicole@b-organized.net.



  • Case Study about CNY Fertility Center

    At CNY Fertility Center, Kristen Magnacca served as the confidant, unbiased fertility friend, and emotional anchor that all of Dr. Rob Kiltz’s patients depended on for support and reinforcement as they underwent their treatment cycles. Magnacca created an innovative emotional support program that was an integral part of helping CNY Fertility patients persevere with treatment and ultimately become parents.

    Kristen’s unique process helped new and existing clients/patients preserve their mind, body and soul while surviving the emotional roller coaster of infertility treatment. She gave patients the confidence and self-love to believe they deserved to succeed.

    She interacted with hundreds of clients, first via in-person and group meetings, and then mainly through phone coaching and tele-workshops. Her goal was to “emotionally treat” clients even before they were treated with any reproductive techniques, especially during the crucial first three months of treatment.

    Magnacca helped her clients create an inner personal system of self-care that kept them in treatment, as well as to build external support structures that would serve them through any of life’s challenges. Her guidance and coaching were reinforced with her blog postings and a copy of her award-winning book Love and Infertility that every client received.

    Deliverables
    · Created a unique, patient-centric emotional support system
    · Connected in a girlfriend to girlfriend, unbiased fertility friend style
    · Held monthly teleseminars focused on self-love and nurturing
    · Reinforced through individual coaching, if necessary
    · Provided emotional treatment
    · Offered additional tools like blogs, distribution of award-winning book
    · Offered training to staff members to teach them patient-centric communication techniques

    Return on Investment
    · Patients became more confident in their ability to succeed with treatment.
    · Patients’ self-esteem and confidence improved.
    · Patients became more connected and invested to their providers who communicated better with them.
    · Patients stuck with treatment cycles until they became pregnant, e.g., all patients in her first support group had given birth by the end of 2012.
    · Patient referrals increased because they were satisfied with their treatment and how they were treated emotionally.


  • Village Fertility Pharmacy Case Study

    Village Fertility Pharmacy partnered with Kristen Magnacca to share her unique process with both the nursing staff at fertility clinics and with Village infertility patient consumers. Fertility clinic nurses are some of the primary decision makers in guiding patients to select a fertility pharmacy. Their jobs can be very fast-paced, demanding and stressful. Fertility clients/patients are vulnerable to discontinuing treatment and learning how to administer injectable medications correctly can be a very anxious time in the treatment cycle. Village felt supporting these two groups was important to meeting their marketing objectives.

    Magnacca’s goal was to help strengthen the Village Fertility Pharmacy brand as a caring provider and to teach both nurses and patients coping mechanisms to reduce stress. Kristen has a unique process to help clients/patients preserve their mind, body and soul while surviving the emotional roller coaster of infertility treatment. She gives patients the confidence and self-love to believe they deserve to succeed. She also has conducted extensive professional training to boast moral and self-confidence, as well as to give staff members the tools to assist them in communicating with their patients more effectively. She also worked with the Village sales force.

    Kristen used several techniques to help her achieve these goals.  Her award-winning book, Love and Infertility: Survival Strategies for Balancing Infertility, Marriage and Life was integrated as a value added offering that the sales representatives could give clinics. Additionally, each Village Pharmacy patient was given a free book as part of a goodie bag Village offered them.

    Deliverables:

    • Complimentary book to clinics patients
    • Complimentary monthly tele-workshops for a year
    • Follow up with nursing staff through workshops and training
    • Provided specific time sensitive intervention and support for patients
    • ASRM book give away
    • Offered additional tools like blogs
    • Offered training to staff members to teach them patient-centric communication techniques


  • Audio Tip of the Week #3: Make Room for the New

    Audio Tip of the Week #3: Make Room for the New

  • Three Simple Tips to Make You Feel Better

    Kathryn FlynnThis month, we asked author and fertility nutritionist Kathryn Flynn to give us a few simple suggestions that can help you feel better physically.

     1. Did you know that simply eating a protein and carbohydrate every three hours will help you stabilize your blood sugar levels, thereby boosting your metabolism, increasing energy levels and reducing stress? Try one of these quick snacks in between meals: rice crackers and hummus, gluten free toast and nut butter or trail mix.

    You can find more examples of healthy and delicious snacks at my Website.

    2. One of the best things you can do for your health is to get a good night's sleep. On these cold winter nights, consider creating a bedtime ritual. Light a candle, take a warm bath with epson salts and add some lavender essential oil for relaxation. Be in bed before 11PM, if you can. and sleep in a dark room. Melatonin is essential for all processes of ovulation.

    3. Did you know that coffee is dehydrating and drains your adrenals? Be sure to drink half your body weight in ounces of room temperature water or herbal teas per day to keep you hydrated and feeling energized.

    Try these three simple tips for 21 days -- remember, that is how long it takes to form a habit -- and see what happens. I'll bet you'll feel better both physically and emotionally.

    Kathryn Flynn is the author of Cooking for Fertility: Foods to Nourish Your Fertile Soul and founder of Fertile Foods. She offers nutrition and lifestyle consultations to support your fertility and healthy pregnancy.  Kathryn is also the creator of an organic tea for fertility: Moontime Tea’s fertility blend.


  • Audio Tip of the Week #2: Being Grateful

    Please listen to Kristen's Audio Tip of the Week: Be Grateful

    BeGrateful.m4a
  • Shimmer and Shine

    2013 brings the promise of what is to come and a reminder of what an array of choices we have for the next twelve months!

    Make 2013 a focused time to let go of what no longer serves you and holds you to your past thinking and life's challenging moments, Releasing and letting go gives you freedom to move to the bright and shiny future awaiting you.

    So many of us make resolutions for the new year, i.e., eat right, exercise or vow to change our evil ways. But what if we all do something else this year?

    What if we all simply make an intention to be kind: to focus on shining our light as it was meant to be shared during our time here on earth.  What if our goal is to radiate loving kindness to ourselves and to all we are in contact with?  It can be as simple as that!

    Begin with yourself.  Intend to be loving and kind to yourself first, asking yourself what you need.  What do I what?  What do I feel today? How can I feel peace?  What direction do I go?  We are not asking in an ego narcissistic manner, but instead focus on keeping peace and harmony within so that you can shine and radiate it to all.  We can move closer to our oneness, our true selves, and our fate and destiny with simplicity and purity of intention.

    We All Are George Baileys

    During Christmas week I watched It's a wonderful Life with my children. We all were snuggled together under a blanket, watching as George Bailey's life was reviewed and seeing how much his life touched others. What an amazing gift he got from Clarence the angel.  George Bailey had the chance to witness how intertwined all of our lives are with each other and what a gap there would be if one of us wasn't present.

    The Wisdom of Joseph Campbell

    "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."  This Joseph Campbell quote is simply put... letting go of how we want things to be. George Bailey wanted to travel the world and get out of Bedford Falls, but he was meant for a larger life, even though he viewed it as being small.

    We too must move forward in faith, knowing that letting go is living in the flow and what is waiting for us is usually beyond our expectations.

    Personally, letting go of 2012 is a process of feeling and releasing, and being present for a year that was filled with challenges and heartbreak.  Over the course of the last twelve months I asked myself "didn't you learn anything from your past?"  But this was the wrong question to be asking. What I should have been asking was "What do I need?" Focusing on creation and manifestation is the key to freedom.

    Action Item:

    So what is your intention for this year?

    Does keeping it resonate peace within you?

    In that spirit, I want to let you know that over the next twelve months I will be offering a complimentary downloadable weekly tip for Keeping it Simple!  With focusing on the flow of love, we can change our world. More to come on this new offering!

    Wishing you and yours a blessed New Year!  With all the promise of greatness!

    God Bless,

    Kristen

  • Western Women Will Save The World!

    This year, I had the privilege of seeing more women become pregnant at a quicker pace.  I typically don't speak of such things through my newsletter and instead focus on a "pregnancy free zone," sharing tidbits of encouragement. I was struck by the shift that occurred this year.

    The emotional current was still the same this year. There was the usual pattern of ups and downs, women going in and out of treatments and people experiencing the overall life-changing, earth-rattling changes in the mind, body and soul.  But there also was a speed to them.

    The old was felt and released and the new arrived.  A new vision, a new sense of self and a new connection to the worthiness of creation that is necessary to manifest your life's desire were created.

    It was staggering that so many women experienced their own personal "phoenix out of the ashes" moment over the course of the last twelve months.   Back in January of 2010, the Dalai Lama stated that "western women will save the world." At the time, he was surrounded by the movers and shakers who help the downtrodden. A buzz was created by the media. It is reported that the Dalai Lama doesn't mince words. Divine, innate feminine power seems to be transforming both on an individual level and in the collective consciousness.

    Western Women will Save the World....

    For over a decade, I have had the privilege of watching women save themselves from the heartbreak of fertility challenges.  What I know now about my personal journey and that of others is that the divine purpose of these individual life- shaking events are so interconnected to the whole.  That the power and grace that these women as individuals have shared, showed and lived reverberated into the world as a ripple to the heavens and are creating an opening for creation of all kind.

    We are all one; you are not alone and you are worthy of all things good and blessed.

    As we celebrate the upcoming holidays lets us use the kindness and most loving language of all for ourselves. Over the course of the month, begin by stating out loud and in writing "I will no longer be affected by 'what is not for my highest good'. It can no longer be."

    I will no longer be affected by___________________!

    State it with all the energy and force of all the divine feminine behind you, knowing you are not alone because we "western women" will all save the world!!! I was reading an article about Elizabeth Smart and her upcoming memoir about her kidnapping, rape and abuse. She simply looked at the evil man who abused her and stated: "I will not be affected by you ever again." She did not say it in anger or rage but in her divine power.  Talk about a strong powerful woman with a mission now!! God bless her.

    Blessings,
    Kristen

  • Do You Have a Holiday Escape Plan?

    Do You Have a Holiday Escape Plan?

    Holiday GiftThe holiday season can be a stressful time, even when things are going swimmingly. But add on the pressure of trying to conceive, and it can be especially hard to see this time as the "Most Wonderful Time of the Year!"

    Here are some tools that can help ease the stress of the “festive” gathering and help you deal better with the holidays this season.

    To Go or Not to Go?

    The first step is determining your pain to pleasure ratio with regards to the gathering. Does the pain of attending outweigh the benefit of going?

    You can do this by asking yourself these questions:

    • Will this event cause me to overstress?
    • How am I feeling when I think of this event?
    • Will I be uplifted or will I feel anxious?

    If you decide not to go . . .

    Here’s a secret I've learned from experience and one of my most frequently used mantras: “Ten years from now, this will not matter.”

    At the moment, your decision may feel so important, but -- I promise -- years from now it will not be as emotionally intense and/or will probably be forgotten.

    If You Decide to Go . . .

    Ask yourself about your intention. Intentions are a large factor in managing your situation. An intention is like a mini goal for the day or the encounter.

    What is your mini-goal for the event? You’ll want to set it for two reasons. First, you’ll want to beam out into the universe what you’d like to have happen and how you'd like the situation to play out. Second, by establishing an intention you set yourself up to win!

    Coping During the Event

    Say you and your partner need to attend your partner's office party. You don’t feel up to it, he does, and you are at an impasse as to what to do.

    Break the Event Down into Parts

    Decide which parts of the event you are capable of attending. Perhaps you are in a position where you “must attend” and are feeling the pressure. You and your partner can commit to attend the cocktail portion of the party and then make a discrete exit. Stay longer if you are up to it, but if you feel you’ve fulfilled your goal, then leave acknowledging, “Another job was well done!”

    Or, just attend the dessert portion of the event, stating that you have a prior committment but will come later.

    Create an Elevator Speech

    An elevator speech is a rehearsed and well-delivered speech at the ready to answer those annoying questions such as: “Do you have children?” “When are you going to have children?” and the dreaded, “Isn’t it time for you both to start having children?”

    My tried and true elevator speech was, “We have a whole team of experts working on that.” Or you can try, “Babies come when babies come.”

    Create a Red Flag Phrase

    You may be fearful that if you go to your husband’s holiday party and need to leave, he won’t understand.

    I understand that fear. I ran into a similar dynamics of misunderstanding the other’s “pain to pleasure” ratio. Here’s how I solved it. I came up with a Red Flag Phrase. Mine was a line from Seinfeld, the television show: “These pretzels are making me thirsty.” When either I or my former husband used it, it meant no questions asked -- we had to leave.

    I remember being at a party and feeling as though I was going to faint because the pressure of holding myself together got too great. It was right after we lost our pregnancy and the talk was mainly about children and babies. I handled it well at the beginning, but it just went on and on and I began to feel dizzy and sick to my stomach.

    I walked up to my former husband and whispered into his ear: “These pretzels are making me thirsty” and at first he asked if I wanted a drink and then he realized it was ”get the coats” time. The key is using your mutually agreed upon phrase only in times of need and to be clear that the request needs to be fulfilled without questions.

    This Too Shall Pass

    Remember, the holiday season will soon pass. I hope you can use these strategies to enjoy it as much as possible. If you do, you will find yourself feeling stronger as you start a new year.

    Please feel free to email me and I will send you an EveryDay Certainty Pocket Companion.
    (written for www.fertilityauthority.com)

  • Words and Actions of Gratitude

    Who’s on your right hand? Who’s on your left?

    Typically this month’s article focuses on gratitude and family gatherings in the traditional way. We all look forward to being around the dinner table with family and filling ourselves with food, good cheer and companionship, taking in the moments during Thanksgiving Day to be thankful for our abundance.

    This month I want to add some action to the thankfulness. I recently read an article about how it is great to have a practice of meditation and fostering gratefulness, but you also need to put that practice in action.

    There is an old Zen saying…. “Words don’t cook rice,” I interpret that to mean that it is not enough to say you’re grateful and to thank someone, but your words must also align with your actions.

    Lots of Questions to Ponder
    How do you go about being present at the table and grateful for your given present situation? What actions do you take to show your gratitude for yourself and others?

    And who do you have at your “table” who is at your right hand and at your left hand? This seems to be a reoccurring theme for me. As humans, we are learning, growing and experiencing and life seem to mirror that growth.

    What are the characteristics of the people you want around you? Are you willing to let your integrity slide to be with someone or a group that doesn’t mirror your values? What are your values? What is truly important to you? And what does gratitude mean to you? Do your words and actions align?

    While in treatment, I remember being angry with the fertility clinic staff. They didn’t call me on time, they messed up my orders and they did this or said that. Even though they were on my “side,” I felt like they were the “enemy” while I was on the front line of this “fertility war.” These thoughts kept me in a victim mode instead of being grateful for their knowledge, direction and expertise.

    How do you hold the moment and act versus react? How do act in alignment with your values?

    Wow, this is intense for November, a time to normally be fat and happy, right?

    As you are dancing with the flow of creative energies to form your family, it is important to cultivate a practice of thinking and doing because ”words don’t cook rice.”

    IF you have listened to my previous tele-workshops, you might know that I choose a goddess card for the night that I read during our time together. I adore Doreen Virtue’s Goddess Cards and feel the chosen card seems to be a divine message to those gathered online. During this time we are connected to each other via a common experience across an invisible network that joins us for that hour as one in togetherness.

    A few workshops ago, I chose a card that didn’t seem to make sense to me about the night but I went ahead with reading it anyway. Later in the evening I received an email from an attendee about how the Goddess’ name also was her cat’s name. She had purchased the kitten right after a pregnancy loss. Before joining in on the call, she questioned if she should go forward. It seemed that the Goddess card’s message was meant especially for her, confirming her inner wisdom to move onto her next IVF cycle. She was so grateful for the little kitten that came into her life when she needed comfort.

    We are interconnected in our oneness; extending ourselves from our heart of gratitude brings the ripples of what we extend back to us ten-fold.

    So when you sit down at that abundant table on Thanksgiving, take a quick moment and be present in an atypical or unexpected way for the people on your right and left. I guarantee that you will receive the same unexpected ripple of gratitude!

    Great Blessings and abundance.
    Kristen


  • Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance

    October 15th Marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance

    I wonder if?

    Sometimes the emotions seem to come out of nowhere.

    I’ll be busy with my day crossing off items on my to-do list when something catches my attention. All of a sudden my thoughts turn to that horrific day 15 years ago, the day before Thanksgiving Day, when I lost my first pregnancy. Then the flood gates of internal questioning begins…

    I wonder if?...

    I wonder if that little baby of mine would have had my hair color like his brother and sister do? If he or she would have a laugh that sounds like his siblings’? Would he or she love the ocean as much as they do? Would he or she be tall? Sing well? Love peas?

    “I wonder if….” seems to haunt some days more than others even though it has been fifteen years since the day that changed me forever.

    Recently, one of my fertility clients and I were having a one on one coaching session. She was sobbing for the loss of her first pregnancy but also was crying for what she called the loss of her innocence. She expressed so eloquently the feelings that mirror those of so many others who experienced pregnancy loss – the feeling that innocence was lost.

    Grieving, she no longer possessed the lightness of that magical moment of joy when she learned she was pregnant. Her loss had taken that from her, and the process of creating her family shifted to contain this tragic moment in its history. In its place was a great fear.

    My client and I spoke in depth about the reality of pregnancy loss. We both knew that from the outside we looked good, showered and clean. Our hair was done and make up was applied and there was smile on our faces to mask the internal grief, which was there in silence all the time.

    I have learned a lot about pregnancy loss from my own experience and because of the privilege I have had to help navigate others through this tragedy. What I know now that I wish I knew then is that the loss will be with you forever. Unfortunately the loss of a child, born and unborn, is more prevalent than most people realize. Just like the infertility journey, we women seem to suffer in silence, until the silence gets too loud, and then we seek help.

    The pain will subside. You will put one foot in front of the other and go on living. You will be living and seeing differently, but you will go on.

    There will be moments of reverence for the time when you learned you were pregnant and the joy you felt for this new being. You will acknowledge and honor what could have been as well as the brief time you and your lost child were together.

    You are not alone and don’t need to face this time alone. Seek out a sisterhood of understanding. Seek the support you need, seek comfort and love, and seek until you find yourself again.

    God bless you during this time of grieving, feeling and releasing, and remembrance.


  • Do You Know Your Courageous Soul?

    “Courage must have its everyday face. We can’t preserve it just for special occasions. We must have courage when we are disappointed, because disappointment is a robber of reason and faith and even dignity. We must remember that whatever we have to meet there is something within us to help us meet it. But it is like a vein of rich ore. We must tap it, know what it is, and turn it into a finished product that will serve a purpose.” ~Joyce Sequichie Hifler

    Something is happening! Have you noticed? The weather is changing and the fall air is crisp and clear. The days are shorter and getting darker earlier. When you come home from work, you don’t feel the need to change into your play clothes; you just can go straight to your pj’s because it feels like night at 5:30pm, right?

    But, I really am not speaking to the visual changes in Mother’s Earth; I am speaking of the changes in the collective consciousness. Things have been bumpy lately; the world seems to be in a hissy fit of unkindness.

    I love the quote at the beginning of this article because courage does need an everyday face! We need courage both as a group and individually.

    What I know on the macro level is that the women I have the privilege of interacting with monthly are still putting one foot in front of the other moving forward to their dream. But now they have a little added spice and can dance to a new theme song, which gives them a “gotta get the boom boom now” type of energy. I feel the courage they are radiating at a higher frequency.

    Their courage has an everyday face and that face is not allowing them to be robbed of their reason, faith or dignity. It is as if the connection to our oneness has now been grounded into the earth.

    The realization that all is well, even in the darkest hours of loss, heartbreak and hopelessness, and that we are tapped into the soul’s rich ore of peace and purpose, gives us strength, Nothing can stop us if we are living our life in integrity, pureness of heart and truthfulness. Then we are in the flow of the highest possible energy.

    Now here’s the flip side of not being in your flow. Hiding, pushing down your feelings and sabotaging them will have the effect of forcing your life experiences so that eventually all will come out, to be seen and reviewed. Self-darkness will flip itself over to the light and it will come up, either smoothly or with an explosion.

    There is no room for fear, anger or jealousy when you create from the courageous soul because the courageous soul knows that it is an illusion that we are disconnected from our opportunity to grow, learn and live our authentic life.

    We are all in this earth school together and learning to love ourselves first for who we are is a shining part of the whole!

    So, what does this have to do with not being able to create your family?

    Listen in on our monthly tele-workshop on October 15th at 6:00 PM to learn more. I am so blessed that Dr. Kiltz offers this opportunity to his clients and others because this is a safe, sacred space to share your experiences with others and receive the support you need to live your creation journey from your courageous soul!!

    Email me at Kristen@cnyfertility.com to RSVP!

    Blessings,

    Kristen


  • Audio Recording of "May You Be Happy" Teleseminar

    If you missed this past Monday's teleseminar with CNY Fertility, May You Be Happy, here is the audio recording: Enjoy!

     

  • May I Be Happy

    May I be happy… May you be happy…

    There once was a woman who longed for a different existence — an existence filled with happiness, contentment and her heart’s desire. She wasn’t actually sure what those words meant to her but she knew, or thought she knew, that she wasn’t experiencing any of them.

    As she went about her day fulfilling her duties, she was unaware that her heart had closed.  Instead of being in reverence for her life, and basking in gratitude, she looked at others and thought of the injustice of her life.  She thought everyone else had it better than she did: their house was bigger, their car shinier, their bodies so much more beautiful. She thought they had it all while she struggled.

    It wasn’t until she lost her home and her car and when her body started to fail her that she realized she had been blind to her abundance. A wave of gratitude began rushing in as the sorrow of what she had lost became real.

    The gratitude washed her heart clean of the bitterness and she was reborn.

    What are you unhappy about?  What will make you happy?  Where do you feel the happiest?

    That was a dramatic story to reinforce my point that happiness comes from a feeling within you …. and isn’t externally gained.

    The other day I walked to the beach, which is at the end of my street. I was feeling extremely blessed to live where I do, with all the children in the neighborhood. Years before, I longed for one baby and here I was surrounded by my two and nine other children. Then I saw a friend lying on her stomach on a float and reading a magazine while being gently rocked by the stillness of the ocean.  A rush of jealousy flushed over me to be alone with my thoughts and I longed for….

    Initially, my first instinct was to want to pay another friend $5 to push her off the perfectly inflated float, but then something happened.  She noticed me and called out: “Hey, I have something for you….”

    In the mean time, I replied: “Sorry that we’re descending on you since you are all alone on a float!!!”  My friend, who is single and doesn’t have children, replied: “It’s not all that it is cracked up to be. I’m alone all the time.”

    Here’s the kicker. She then gave me a magazine she thought I would like to read since she knows that I am a nutty crunchy woman. The magazine had an article about metta meditation and happiness written by Taan Ajaan Geoff of the Metta Forest Monastery in San Diego, California.,

    His instructions are to repeat the metta meditation prior to bed: “For yourself, May I be happy. May I be free from stress and pain. May I be free from animosity, free from trouble, free from oppression. May I look after myself with ease.”

    For others’ happiness: “May you be happy. May you be free from stress and pain. May you be free from animosity, free from trouble, free from oppression. May you look after yourself with ease.”

    And for someone that has “done you wrong”: My you find the error of your ways.

    The grace of true happiness is always available if and when we keep our hearts open. We need to keep them open in goodwill for others, calling in the gratitude of the moment. The real kicker, however, is knowing yourself.  What makes you happy, how do you create it over and over again?

    How do you connect with peace and resonate that out into the world?  Even when you’re not floating all by yourself on a tube, being gently rocked in the arms of mother earth?

    May you be happy…

    Blessings,

    Kristen


  • The Secret of Magic

    Did you ever feel as though you’re on the outside looking in? As you watch others live, you might feel as though they have it all together and their existence seems as  “pretty as a picture.”

    Remembering back to my fertility challenged days, it seemed that everyone around me was getting pregnant at a drop of a hat.  It appeared they would think about conception and, bing, bang, boom, they were with child!

    The “on the outside looking in” feeling can bring a sense of loneliness and isolation.  You might  feel that the flow of creation is moving freely and swiftly for others, but your life flow has a gigantic beaver damn in the middle!

    A few months ago, I wrote about the word abracadabra and how its translation is “as I say so shall it be.”  Keeping with the magic theme, I had an opportunity this week to see a friend’s magic show.  He opened his act with a brief discussion of how magic is an illusion and how a magician’s job is to make you believe in something that is not there.  He then went on to show the audience, in real time, the secret of one of his tricks.

    Being, seeing and then knowing the secret of a magic trick brought a sense of awe and a connection to certainty.  When you experience any creation journey, you can be certain that the one thing that will be certain is uncertainty.

    So, what can you do when you find yourself with that “outside looking in feeling?”

    Remind yourself that you’ve been in the middle of uncertainty before and that now you have the skills and knowledge of how this feels, as well as what you need to do to move through this time.

    Using the magician as an example, we all can use power words to interrupt the language that keeps us separate from others and in a victim’s position.  What are power words or a mantra that you could use consistently to propel you forward?  What image or reminder can you activate to interrupt the cloudiness and bring back your awareness from the illusion of temporary uncertainty, the feeling that you are separate from the flow.

    We all have the innate ability to stay in the flow of creation, and peace is always available to us.  It takes practice to remember that when we go into the uncertainty, we must remind ourselves of what we’ve learned before and then flow towards certainty once again.

    I really do believe that the magician pulled a rabbit out of a hat right before my eyes!  Do you?

    Blessings,
    Kristen


  • What a Difference a Year Makes: Moving Past the Muddling

    Life is simply full of challenges and transitions and muddling one’s way through such circumstances can be grueling. For just over four years, I was stuck in the middle of the muddling…and it was exhausting, even devastating at times. My husband and I were not only dealing with my recent multiple sclerosis diagnosis, but we were also dealing with our inability to conceive. If I could use one word to describe those four years it would be one of the simplest words in our language: sad. There was always a little piece of me that was sad I was unable to conceive, sad I had to deal with a potentially debilitating chronic illness and sad that others were so much happier than me.  But things do change and they certainly did for us.

    I looked at my husband during dinner the other night and simply stated, “What a difference a year makes!” He smiled and nodded in agreement…then the baby cried and our short time to reflect was paused. But I did reflect long enough to realize how much more at peace and happier I am. Yes, part of the reason for my happiness is that I have my baby, but that is not the only reason. I am also happy because I have survived. I will never be the same person again, and I am grateful for a much deeper perspective on life. It’s true! I will be forever changed because I have endured, learned and triumphed. Whether I have one child or two, a completely healthy body or one that is weakened by its own immune system attacks…I know that although I may have sad moments, I will have many more happy moments. And when the muddling feels too overwhelming, I will be able to look back on my more trying moments and simply know that if I hang in there, things will get better.The trying moments pass, and when we have some distance from those periods in our lives, we are able to fully understand just how strong we are. If you are in the middle of the muddling, please remember that you will eventually move forward and find yourself in a more peaceful place. Although a challenge may linger, it is only part of an entire lifetime.

    Wishing you many happy moments,

    April Marques

  • Sweet Success Story No. 1

    Not long ago, I received this letter and photos from a grateful client:

    Hi Kristen!  I'm sure you don't remember me, but I spoke with you in Oct/Nov 2009 as I was going through some infertility problems.  We met at the Syracuse office of CNY Fertility.  We spoke right before I left for a work trip to Vietnam, and when I got back from my trip I found out I was pregnant!

    Anyway, I was going through some old files tonight and came across some of the papers you gave us at our coaching sessions.  I wanted to thank you for your help- and let you know that we are now a happy family with 2 beautiful little boys! :)  Our oldest is 22 months (that's the one I found out I was pregnant with upon returning from Vietnam) and we just had another little boy in February!  So life is wonderful- slightly busy and crazy- but we wouldn't have it any other way.

    So thanks again for your help during a very difficult time in our lives- one we are happy is in our past and we can now enjoy our little bundles of joy!

    Thanks again and hope all is well with you and your family!


  • A Father's Day Wish from Author Greg Wolfe

    How to Make Love to a Plastic CupFather’s Day – a day that means quite a lot to us guys: breakfast in bed, a spike in the sales of Old Spice gift sets and neckties with little ducks playing golf on them (so cute!). But for many of us, especially those of us who are, oh, how to put it…spermally challenged? Well, for us, Fathers Day can be just as painful a reminder of what we don’t have as Mothers Day is to our wives.

    See, I know from experience that one of the few things we men feel we are biologically pre-programmed to do besides kill spiders and move heavy furniture is to become daddies, and when that doesn't go according to plan, well, we tend to take it personally. VERY personally.

    At the risk of sounding stereotypically guy-ish, when we see something broken, our instinct is to want to fix it. When it turns out the fixing is out of our control, we tend to feel like failures... whether it's warranted or not. And whether we actually SHOW IT or not.

    Even in today’s world where vampires are sparkly emo-boys, men get calf implants and Matt Damon passes for an action hero, we men are still expected to act like men, as in “suck it up, don’t complain, no one wants to see you cry.” But when something like infertility comes along, we feel BAD.

    Bad for ourselves and our situation, and REALLY bad for our wives, who have to endure the pain of weeks of injections and hormone treatments because of OUR problem! We’re sure they hate us, when really they’re just acting like women who, well, have gone through weeks of injections and hormone treatments.

    We feel like we have no one to talk to: we can’t talk to our guy friends: “Hey, Bob, so my sperm is crappy.” “Yeah, that’s too bad. Hey, pass the buffalo sauce.” And we can’t talk to our wives, since in mens' minds, we’re supposed to be the emotional rock in our relationship, there to comfort our women. I never said we were smart, just men.

    So what do you do? You talk. Men, talk with your wives. Tell them how you’re really feeling. How your ego is crushed, and how you feel bad. She won’t laugh. I promise. And women, talk to your husbands. Tell them you know just how they feel. Use a lot of sports references like “team” and “rebuilding year.” They’ll love that – and maybe think all those hormones you took gave you some creepy psychic ability.

    The main thing is never to stay down, never to let infertility beat you. If you want to have children badly enough, know that you will. It may not happen the way you planned, but it will happen.


  • Special Father's Day Post

    Happy Father-To-Be Day!

    by Marc Sedaka (Author of “What He Can Expect When She’s Not Expecting”)

    Marc SedakaAs June 17 approaches, infertile couples the world over are coming to grips with a very sad but true realization. Father’s Day sucks. Does it suck as much as Mother’s Day? Not even close. But that doesn’t change the fact that this is yet another reminder of what you are not, what other people are, and what you long to be. You almost wish that Hallmark would make a “Happy Not-A-Father’s Day” card so you could at least feel a part of the process.

    So what can you do as a would-be parent to soften the blow and make June 17th nothing more than… well… June 17th?

    For one thing – and I say this more to you mothers-to-be out there than you fathers-to be (since I’m guessing you’re the one reading this anyway) -- please, please understand that your husband, if he’s anything like I was, is probably not as freaked out about this whole Father’s Day thing as you are. It’s just the way we’re wired. Birthdays, Wedding Anniversaries, Father’s and Mother’s Days – they’re pretty much just days to us. And as pissed as you might be about that when you actually do have kids is as relieved as you should be about it right now. If anything, our concern and our worry is more for you and how you’re facing this day than anything to do with us. At least that was my experience in the six “Fatherless” Days I went through during our almost seven years of infertility.

    Okay, so for better or worse, your husband isn’t freaking out about this (at least as much as you are.) That’s all well and good. But what about the opinions, reactions, advice and remarks of every person you know? And by that, I of course mean your mother, your mother-in-law, and every friend with a kid or two who somehow think they’re better equipped to tell you how to handle this day than you are. To this I say… and I know, easier said than done… you’re just gonna have to let the
    comments (or lack of comments) from friends and loved ones roll right off of you. Trust they mean well. Trust they may be feeling as awkward as you are about the whole situation. And do your best, assuming they really do love you, to take their opinions, reactions or advice in the spirit they are given.

    Finally, and this is the big one, take an opportunity like Father’s Day to celebrate the family you are as much as the family you want to be. Yes, it’s easy to think of this as “Fatherless” Day (heck, I just did it four paragraphs ago), but it’s really just as easy to think of it as “Father-To-Be” Day. And if there’s one thing I can assure you after our nearly seven years of infertility, it is this. You will become parents. Maybe not exactly when you wanted and maybe not exactly in the way you intended, but if your resolve is strong enough it will happen. So take the day to celebrate that hope. To celebrate that future. And most of all, to celebrate your love.

    I wish you all a most joyous Father-To-Be Day!


  • This or That

    After many years of offering coaching services, I have come to understand there can be a knee jerk reaction to the question “How can I help?’ The typical unconscious response is “I’m fine.”. Even when people are coming to me for a session, this is the initial response I receive.

    It is analogous to walking into a store and the clerk asking, “Can I help you?” and we reply, “Just looking.”

    But what if you ask your spouse or partner how you can help them right now,  in this present moment? You are reading the visual cues, which tell you that your lover is in pain, but his or her response is, “Just looking, aka I’m fine!”

    We have the tendency to go into protective mode around feelings and emotions such as anger, sadness, hopelessness or or a sense of fatigue. We might interpret these as destructive emotions, which could trigger an avoidance coping mechanism.

    Recently I attended a workshop with a Buddhist monk who explained that we really have three types of emotions: positive emotions, neutral emotions and destructive emotions.

    We shy away from weakness, burying it down deep and putting it into the darkness. This creates our shadow side or destructive emotions. When we share our truth to others and ourselves, without judgment, healing and oneness can happen. But our fear holds us from this freedom -- the fear of being perceived as vulnerable.

    What I know now that I wish I knew then is that you can do something to support your male partner through the fertility journey by carefully using your words with him.

    The male heart is open but covered with a protective armor that may sometimes feel impenetrable. But there is a kink in the armor that the male needs to give permission to be shown and the female needs to be receptive to bear witness to their “weakness” without judgment.

    The power of the option! What I have found is that if you ask an opened ended question to a man, the answer might be a quick yes or no… but if you present something with options, it triggers the fix it part of the brain and the real need will be revealed.

    Would this help you or would that help you? Would it help you right now if I made you a cup of tea or perhaps you would like to be left alone?

    If you get lost with “this or that,” you need to fill in the blank. Simply open your heart to the other person and the answer will come. 

  • Abracadabra

    A few years ago, my sister gave me a Tarot card gift box containing a palm reading book and tarot cards. Somehow the black gift box got pushed to the back of my bookshelf. But I recently discovered it when looking for a book for a client.

    Dusting it off, I opened the box, drew the Chariot card and began reading about its meaning. I learned that sometimes Abracadabra, a word whose origins are Arabic or possibly Hebrew, is used to describe it.

    Abracadabra has been associated with the magician’s catch phrase, but literally it translates as “What I have said will be done” or “As it is said, so it shall be.”

    When the magician utters “Abracadabra,” the audience knows something big is going to happening right before their eyes! Perhaps he will pull a rabbit out of a hat or a woman will be cut in half. So when that word is uttered, we know to pay attention because a surprise is coming!

    So how do we foster an “abracadabra” life style? How do we hold the energy of anticipation with the assurance that something spectacular is about to happen?  How do we live in that refined moment of time all the time?

    The holding of the breath moment is when you know that upon your exhale, your wish, the trick or intent of “What I have said will be done” will happen without faulting.

    How can you be in the moment?

    Just as the magician must practice the slight of hand, and must create the illusion of the trick, we too must connect to the illusion that we are all one and that we are not separated from our power to live “What I have said will be done.”

    This past month, four couples that I have worked with for years have achieved their goal of becoming pregnant.  Their pregnancies have come after many moments of heartbreak, many moments of questioning and many moments of throwing in the towel and contemplating giving up the dream of becoming a family of three.

    But “What I have said will be done” took longer than they had anticipated and changed them and shaped them into different minds, bodies and souls.  The infertility journey transformed them into different people. Although they held onto their belief that a magic wand would be waved and, abracadabra, it would happen in an instant, they matured and became stronger because of it.

    Magical thinking is powerful and faithful living is what makes the will be done.  It will help you know without a shadow of a doubt that the rabbit will appear out of the hat!! Abracadabra!

    So your homework for this month is to imagine that you are on center stage and the spotlight is solely on you and your abracadabra moment… How long can you sustain that energy of creation? I am positive you can hold that sacred space for as long as your “what I have said will be done” will be done!

    Blessings,
    Kristen


  • Venus

    Our sister planet, Venus, will be passing through the sun on June 5th! The planet Venus is named after the Roman Goddess of Love and Beauty. Venus comes in second to the moon as the brightest natural object in the night sky.

    So, on June 5th grab your protective eye gear and take a long look at the sun, because this is the last time in our lifetime that we will be able to see such an amazing sight! The next time Venus comes around will be in 2117. 

    Why should you care what Venus is doing way up there next to the sun anyway?

    Well, here's my layman explanation...

    The sun is typically referred to as masculine energy. And then there is Venus, the female sign.  With the feminine passing through the masculine, it is time for us women to balance and use both our female and male energies....Thinking through the heart if that makes sense.

    It's no secret that fertility is within us all.  But, we might be disconnected to our own innate power of creation. So with this amazing event happening this week, one that will not occur again in our lifetime, there's no better time to grasp the energy...

    When was the last time you felt the oneness within yourself?

    The fertility challenges that you are experiencing, regardless if you're in the creation pattern of a new life, a new joy or a new beginning, all require a balancing of both the male and female energy within.

    Homework for this month!

    Practice thinking a thought, using our logical side or masculine energy, and then let that idea or action be expressed through your heart so you actually feel the decision that you are making. The newness of balance is calling all of us to feel, and then act, instead of think and then act!

    Believe me, I still am a work in progress for this new way of being. It's a conscious effort to switch to feeling and then acting, instead of simply acting.

    And, it's just like when you learned to ride a bike. Once you get the hang of it,

    it just becomes natural!

    Seize the energy,

    Kristen



  • Inner Wisdom

    INNER WISDOM….might be thought of as a sense of knowing that goes beyond this world. Inner wisdom is your soul knowing who you are and what you should be doing. It is instantly knowing what direction to take and what needs to be done to move you in the direction of your heart’s desire or purpose.

    Sometimes it is as radical as changing jobs, moving away or perhaps changing a love interest. But if you ignore the quiet whispering of your heart, you are ignoring your inner directional system.

    And here’s what I now know about ignoring that impulse, nudge or whisper.  One way or another, you’ll have to look at whatever it is, willingly or unwillingly. An event will happen that will thrust you into the deep end of your life to look at the hidden resistance.

    The part of you that is blinded to the truth in your life: the good, bad and ugly truth.

    We are all here to grow and learn and move closer to the source or God.  I am not talking religion, but spirituality and spirit.

    I love Oprah’s new show, "Super Soul Sunday."  On the most recent episode, I watched
    “What Delights Rainn Wilson, “ Rainn Wilson portrays Dwight Schrute on NBC's "The Office’s.

    Rainn Wilson is the creator of Soul Pancake, where he is trying to figure out what it is like to be human.

    What it is like to be human?

    I was struck by Rainn Wilson’s knowledge about the concept of Oneness. Oneness is knowing we are all one together and finding out what it is like to be human.

    Take it one step further. If you do something to another person, in fact, you are doing it to yourself and the whole of humanity. We are moving closer together and need to feel that heart connection. Know if you cheat, lie, steal or deliberately set your intention outside of your integrity, then you are doing that to yourself and everyone else.

    We are now in the weeks leading up to the celebration of that May day that will not be mentioned, as well as the June date that will not be spoken about.  Let me share a story about a friend who was viciously criticizing her own body. She told me her legs were too big her stomach was flabby and she was fat. I actually got very upset with her because I wouldn’t allow someone else to speak about her in that manner and certainly was not going to allow her to talk so badly about herself.

    While I was going through infertility, my internal dialogue was very negative about myself: my mind, body and soul. We are all figuring out what it is like to be human -- like Rain Wilson is trying to do through his movie.

    So while we are all doing that together, let’s be kind to others and ourselves.

    I preach the gospel of feeling and releasing, and feeling and learning about yourself.  In one of my favorite segments of "Soul Pancake, " which was filmed in a park, they had people write their problems on a balloon and then pop the balloon, and, their problems!

    So pop away my beautiful fellow humans. Do you have an insight about us being human that you’d like to share on my Facebook page? Please do so!

    Great blessing!

    Pop your problems or emotions during the May day (that will not be mentioned) and the June date (that will not be spoken about).

  • Awareness

    When is the last time you had that V-8 moment?

    You know those moments when you want to hit yourself in the forehead and say, “Man, I wish I had thought of this before?”

    My intention is to help create a “moment” of clarity around your creative energy. After all, creation of any kind begins within by seeing your dream’s manifestations come true.

    As defined by Wikipedia… Awareness is the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects or sensory patterns. In this level of consciousness, sense data can be confirmed by an observer without necessarily implying understanding. More broadly, it is the state or quality of being aware of something. In biological psychology, awareness is defined as a human's or an animal's perception and cognitive reaction to a condition or event.

    In previous years, my focus has been on bringing global awareness to the plight of women and couples experiencing fertility challenges. But despite the strides in global awareness, I still feel there is a need to inform others about what truly happens when the mechanics of creating a child doesn’t work out. In my experience, it is truly about self- awareness. I was so proud of the infertility community when we celebrated National Infertility Awareness Week in April.

    How do you feel right now and ask the question what do I need today?

    One sure way to open up all your senses to became aware or fully awake to yourself and your dreams is to listen and go within.

    I would like to speak directly to women about their God given Divine Feminine wisdom so that they can re-connect and reacquaint themselves to their divine power, both masculine and feminine. This power seems to become out of balance during the trials and tribulations of the fertility process occurring outside of the bedroom.

    So please take this time as a gift to yourself by spending just five minutes each day listening to your heart about what is on your mind. Creating a heart-mind connection is needed to move forward.

    Shifting the process to create your family from the desired outcome, which let me reassure you will come at the end of this, and towards what you are learning about yourself, opens up so many more possibilities.

    Here’s what I know about the women with whom I have been blessed to walk.

    You are amazingly strong, you are resilient, you are powerful, and you are insightful and organized. You are resourceful, you educate yourself and you are loved and supported beyond this experience. Oh yah, don’t get between a fertility challenged woman and her dream of being a mom because you will not be able to stand that wrath!

    My wish for you this week and every week is to be aware, to be at peace and to be blessed!

    Now rock it! At the end of the seven days you have set aside for yourself, your forehead will hurt because of all the V-8 moment slaps!


  • "W" in National Infertility Awareness Week

    W!! For today let’s make the “W” in NIAW stand for our innate women’s inner wisdom… We have become deaf to our inner heart chatter that whispers our inner direction and wisdom to us.

    With all the external forces of how we should look, act and be in this world, we have lost our inner connection to ourSELF, which in turn has created a disconnect to our fellow sisters on earth…

    Wow! You might be saying that’s not gonna get me pregnant lady!!! But in reality it will.

    I remember receiving my first box of drugs for my initial IVF cycle. The box came all nicely organized and ready to use (thanks to Village Fertility Pharmacy). I opened the box and had a rush of emotions.

    I just wasn’t ready. I was tired or perhaps exhausted emotionally and physically. My doctor and my former husband were insistent that I move forward with the IVF because of our “situation,” but I could hear the inner whisper. “Not now, not yet….rest and be whole again,” it seemed to say.

    So I did. Feeling on one hand that I was crazy and wasting time… must move forward, must do something.

    What I know now that I wish I knew then: doing nothing is doing something… sometimes the most important something.

    Going within gives you clarity, strength and inner soul connection.

    Asking yourself each and every day: “What do I need today?” is a way of helping your inner voice become louder and louder. Couple that daily with the affirmation “I love and accept myself” allows you to fill yourself up first and then fill others.

    So that when you are a mom, and you will be, you will know who you are in order to help your children become who they are meant to be!

    God Bless! Kristen

    W=WOMEN'S INNER WISDOM~ CREATE A HABIT TO LISTEN WITHIN.


  • The "A" in National Infertility Awareness Week

    A=ACCEPTANCE AND AWARENESS FEEL/HEAL

    Watch the video explanation.

    Which will bring us to the “A” in NIAW!!! (National Infertility Awareness Week) Give me an “N”; Give me an “I” Give me an “A”!

    Acceptance brings awareness for healing.

    So, we talked about the “I” in NIAW as investigating one’s feelings… greater acceptance of where we are and what we have been through and how what today brings keeps us in the present.

    I have found that when we allow our mind to wonder down the road to tomorrow… we create fear and anxiety. What you are doing right this moment is what matters in maintaining a sense of gratitude.

    Acceptance is finding the flicker of gratitude in the moment and holding it. I remember after losing my first pregnancy, which was ectopic, and I wanted to curl up and die right in the hospital room. The one gift that keep me moving forward was my gratitude for all the people who stayed late in the night before Thanksgiving and saved my life because I was internally bleeding. How ironic on the night before the day of giving thanks that I was in one of my darkest fogs and it was the act of holding gratitude that allowed me to feel and heal.

    Acceptance brings forth awareness, which brings forth clarity, which brings forth healing which brings forth your dreams….


  • "I" in National Infertility Awareness Week: Investigate Feelings, Feel and Release

    I= INVESTIGATE FEELINGS, FEEL AND RELEASE

    NIAW!
    So yesterday we reinterpreted “N” in NIAW (National Infertility Awarenses Week) to mean Never alone… Did you say your mantra? “I am loved and supported beyond measure”?

    Today let’s look at the “I” in NIAW. Often we say things internally that we would never utter out loud. And we would never allow someone to speak those exact same words about a best friend to our face . However, internally we give ourselves permission to belittle ourselves.

    The other day a great friend of mine was going on about herself. She was being self- deprecating about her body and how she needs to diet, She was so upset with how she looked and on and on it went…

    Society allows us the act of self-sabotage. During my fertility challenges, I became so angry with my body for failing to get pregnant and then for not being able to stay pregnant.

    What I know now that I wish I knew then, is that we are not our feelings. A feeling is an emotion and our emotions change as rapidly as we can think. So if you are frustrated at another month of looking at a negative pregnancy test, remember, it is only a feeling. Know that it is okay to feel frustration, sadness, upset, depression and rage.

    What is detrimental is to let yourself become those feelings.

    So, what awareness do you bring to your feelings and how do you greet them? Do you welcome your feelings in and say “yah man! I’m really stinking mad right now!” or do you hold them in and let them fester? Instead, try to push them down.

    Feeling and releasing! State your feelings out loud, write them down, scream them out the window… How do you acknowledge your feelings?

    Today’s mantra “I love and accept myself.”

    Kristen explains the meaning of "I" in NIAW in this video. Enjoy!


  • Start Celebrating National Infertility Awareness Week

    N= NEVER ALONE

    Watch my video explanation if you would rather watch then read.

    It’s National Infertility Awareness Week, NIAW for short, which is one of the infertility community’s most important commemorative occasions. It’s a week devoted to bringing awareness about this medical condition to the public and elected officials, as well as to help those on the journey find greater self- awareness. To facilitate the latter, we’re bringing our own interpretation to these four letters: NIAW.

    Let’s start with the “N. “ For us, “N” represents “Never alone.”

    Are you feeling isolated, sad, alone and just plain angry because of your infertility? Or perhaps you’re experiencing the very common feeling of having thoughts that you’ve done something wrong?

    Ifs, shoulds and woulds might be swirling around in your mind and cause your heart, body and soul to be disconnected.

    Here’s what I know now that I wish I knew then… you’re never alone in this journey. Even on the darkest day, seen and unseen angels are supporting you.

    The seen angels might possibly be your spouse, your nursing team and doctors and family and friends… but the feelings of isolation and longing create a fog that might blind you to seeing this unlimited support.

    So as we begin NIAW, let us hold the sacred space of connection.

    Try this mantra to help you stay connected to this energy of oneness in mind, body and soul:
    “I am loved and supported beyond measure.”

    Try this all week!!

    Get ready for the “I” tomorrow!



  • Bring Back Desire: Guest Blog By Ande Lyons

    Has Your Sexy Siren Gone on Vacation?

    Get her back quickly with these three tips!

    Ande LyonsWould you like more intimacy and sensual pleasure the next time you’re ready to share the love with your darling man? Then try these three tips to bring your Sexy Siren back. They’ll have you feeling passionate and desirable fast!

    • Buy some gorgeous, sexy lingerie to show yourself how sensuous you really are. (Sexy is a state of mind, not body… your man is not looking at your thighs and derriere the same way you do. He’ll be thrilled to have those delicious limbs wrapped around him … dimples and all!)
    • While listening to your favorite sexy, romantic music, take a hot shower or bath… cream on lots of lotion and spritz your body with perfume.  Then set the bedroom with lit candles, lowered lights, romantic music and other supporting products for your intimate moment. 
    • Move your body slowly and sensuously to the music… allow yourself to be sexy…  feel your body responding…  and watch as your Sexy  Siren swirls to the surface.  Begin stroking yourself lightly… tracing your erogenous zones with your fingertips… first with your eyes closed… then look right into your darling’s eyes with a slight smile on your face. Seeing the passion in his eyes from watching you get tuned in and turned on will spark your passion, too.

    Need a little more inspiration? Or feeling a little shy about asking for what you want? It’s OK!  Grab a copy of your favorite volume of bedtime stories for adults...  and start sharing which scenes turn you on.  Read out loud or just point...  because in the bedroom, men are really good at taking directions!

    For more tips, tools and resources for increasing intimacy, sensuality and sexual excitement, visit Bring Back Desire – your daily destination for sensual pleasure.


  • Hope Springs Eternal

    We have reached the time of the year when we spring ahead. On March 11, we sprung the clocks ahead one hour. Though we lost an hour, we gained some more day light!

    So on this year’s day light savings day, I was helping out at a great friend’s baby shower.  DON’T STOP READING!  PLEASE STAY WITH ME, OK?

    This baby shower was a day of celebration of my friend’s and her husband’s pregnancy with twins. no less, after overcoming so much adversity to arrive at this celebratory “spring ahead day.”

    She is one of us. One of the strong, powerful, faith-filled, and surrendering women who withstood the process of creating her family outside of the intimacy and privacy of her own home and brought the act of creation to the medical helpmates.

    I traveled along side her for years, when feelings of failure, heartbreak and disappointment challenged her faith and also brought me back to moments of questioning.

    Then it happened again. The natural cycle of life came around again with, the shifting in emotions and energy.

    The promise, once again, that hope is eternal and the cycle of life from prosperity to adversity and adversity to prosperity will follow each other as springs follows winter.  Cold followed by warmth, darkness by light and the process to conceive to conceiving.

    Robert Ohotto, the author of Fate into Destiny and a radio show host, shared his thoughts about how we make our pain sacred. How do we hold the space that allows us to see that through the adversity there is light and a lesson that will carry us forward?  How do we hold the prosperity and share it with others through shining our light for all and learning to bring the sacred lessons from despair to faith?

    We do this by simply acknowledging that we are both the dark and light and we need both.  We need both: the winter to retreat and learn from and the spring to shine and share.

    I promise you that the lessons of compassion, love, gratitude, acceptance and fortitude we learn through our “non traditional” ways of creating our families and our lives are needed for ourselves and for the whole.

    So, hope springs eternal because we are wired to be hopeful, loving, and unlimited in our being for eternity.

    Here’s an affirmation for the month: “ I am loved and supported fully.”

    God Bless!

    Kristen


  • Revert to the Last Save

    The other morning in the rush of getting ready for the day there came a moment where I swear my head could have swiveled completely around. Did you ever have that moment?

    You set off to do something and in mid effort you find you have forgotten where you were going in such a hurry, but in your mind you knew it was an intrical part of getting everyone out the door to their prospective places. Total lack of recall.

    So there I stood, wet hair in a towel, bathrobe partially closed, laundry basket on my hip staring into space. Lost.

    My son, an X- Box gamer at 13 years old was in the middle of the morning madness and while saving his latest round on his sky rim game said something to the effect, "I like how you can revert to the last save in the game if you don't like your last round."

    Revert to the last save. What if we could do just that in the moments of blankness? Revert. Get back to where you started from. Get a do over. Continue

    The March daylight savings calling in the spirit of spring and renew offers another go around, perhaps not the laundry basket on the hip go around but the rebirthing of self go around.

    The offerings of a new beginning in the creative cycle, here’s a thought or insight we always have a revert to last save option if that is your choice. But what about moving forward know that divine guidance will bring peace to what ever place you find yourself…. Even if it is with wet hair and a laundry basket on your hip.

    My mission for 2012 is to get down and dirty with our emotional dualities in life, despair vs. faith, adversity vs. prosperity, gratitude vs. ungrateful, loneliness vs. content.

    How do our human emotional polarities show up in your life and how do you "deal" with them?

    Homework. The theme of so many of my clients’ and friend's life is total unexpected life turmoil, not oh my I have a hang nail turmoil but, life and death turmoil.

    Being presented with either a total explosion and melt down of how thing were and awaking with a sense of how did this just happen?

    Your assignment if you choose to accept it. Get down a dirty with one emotion for 15 minutes a day or every other day, using your journal or notebook letting your pen dance on your paper pick one emotion and dialogue with it. Then leave the writing for a bit and return and read what your heart wisdom’s has shared.

    Look for peace today! Kristen


  • It's Not Easy Being Green

    It’s Not Easy Being Green:

    Green is the color of Kermit the frog, who sings the song “Its Not Easy Being Green.” Through his song, Kermit shares the plight of living life green, though not the eco friendly version. The approaching month of March, which is sprinkled with green in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, inspired me to contemplate the meaning of this color. Although Kermit doesn’t discuss this, green is also associated with the saying “I’m green with envy!!”

    Envy: to lust after something someone else possesses. Well, that is how I define it. You can be envious of a physical attribute, wealth or status. But when you are in the throws of the fertility journey, the green monster of envy might rear its head against pregnant women or perhaps those who are pregnant a second or a third time while you are still in the process of trying to create your first child.

    I remember “feeling green” one day, smack dab in the middle of a fertility cycle. I was minding my own business in the middle of “Tar Jay” (aka Target). When I looked up, all of a sudden I was surrounded by pregnant women. How in the world could there be so many of them in one store? A rush of panic swept over me. I felt flushed, but it could have been the hormones. But anyway, no matter what direction I looked, there was a round. full baby bump. I took a few deep breaths and then did what any other hormone-induced fertility cycling women would have done. I abandoned my cart, ran to my car and cried. Leaving without toilet paper, laundry detergent and deodorant only added insult to injury.

    Driving home, I felt envious and sad, but mostly upset about my reaction. On that day it wasn’t easy being green, I typically wouldn’t have described myself as being the green with envy type, but when motherhood eluded me that emotion became familiar.

    Dr Kiltz’s wisdom about envy came through one day when we were co-presenting at a workshop in Albany. “Isn’t that where you want to be?” he questioned as I retold my round baby belly story.
    He asked this with passion.

    Yes, was the answer from so many and then the “but” came in! The conversation turned to the emotional pain of disappointment that rushes in first, having a cause and effect of blocking the ability to visualize oneself full and round. That was the rebuttal, to recoil from the thought instead of embracing the energy of pregnancy.
    Listening about how the green block of envy might be that of fear and pain furthered the discussion…

    Here’s what I know now that I wish I knew then:
    Self-compassion is loving oneself fully. It is loving yourself even when you’re having a green moment. It is normal and human to feel the sensation of envy and the flush wave of being green. One could describe envy as having both a shadow side and a light side of green. The hopefulness of your heart’s desire can compel you forward.

    Green is the color of the heart chakra. It is a healing and uplifting feeling that is always present and embodied within, just waiting to be tapped into in a moment’s notice. Just like your breath, quietly filling and emptying, your amazing heart energy is there shimmering green, waiting to be accessed for healing and peace.

    Compassion and self-love are moving with acceptance into a non judgment state, allowing yourself to feel the complete range of emotions. Your open heart, the green of envy and the green peace of will all bring you on a journey to motherhood through a deeper awareness of your beautiful uniqueness.

    So here’s a suggestion. On those days when you are feeling “it is not easy being green,” give yourself full rights to a day of doing just that. Declare today you will be envious, scared, sad, bitchy and unpleasant!!!! And green!!! Look out world!!!

    I can almost guarantee that this declaration will put a smile on your face and a giggle in your throat!!!! Declare it! Feel it!!! Embrace that shade of green in you.

    After all. We all look great in green!!
    Love and blessings to you.
    Kristen Magnacca

  • Be Good to Yourself

    When was the last time you were good to yourself?  I mean, when you woke up and thought: “Hmmm… What do I need today? What do I want to do today?” When was the last time you said “Me first,” and didn’t consider what you should, would, or could do, but what you wanted to do for yourself?

    Being good to yourself is creating a habit that becomes a practice, a philosophy of being.

    Maya Angelou’s quote explains this concept perfectly: “If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?”  The energy of giving to others and not to oneself creates a vacuum in the flow of conscience and unconscious energy patterns, both internal and external.  This creates an unbalance.

    The month of February is known as the month of romance, which perhaps makes you immediately think of sharing yourself with another person through romantic love.

    So often we women frantically try to make things come together to flow perfectly while forfeiting our needs to the needs of others.  It is the erosion of our needs, without an internal connection to self-love, that creates a sense of being half filled rather than feeling your cup runneth over.

    It is foreign for women to think about themselves first. We are the nurturers and the home keepers not in the “housewives” sense but in being the creators of the home sacred space and the providers of a sense of familial connection.  We are hard wired to think about the whole unit and not just our singular being.

    Ahh, but then comes the fertility speed bump.  The natural progression to motherhood is abruptly stopped or altered.  The flow is clogged and blocked, creating stress in the homeland and in yourself. So who you are? Reaching your heart desires might feel elusive.

    Here’s what I have come to believe: You must hold and create the internal sense that you are fully supported and loved on this green earth and beyond. This takes the sting out of life’s challenges even if currently the future looks a certain way. You are no more disconnected from the birth right of creation then you are disconnected from the oxygen you breathe.

    WOW!  That is a mouthful to swallow, but it will resonate on some level and bring deep peace in knowing that you’re really ok and there is a great abundance of all things for everyone and peace, love, creation for all.

    Recently I was speaking at the RESOLVE of New England annual conference. In the middle of my presentation I said, “This is not about the baby!”   Immediately, one of the attendees tweeted that line out into the universe through waves of energy.

    It is not about the baby! It is all about you and anchoring  yourself . It’s about believing that you are a powerful, peaceful and magnificent being of the universe who has the ability to create what you want!  Yes, what you want.  Are you ready?

    So in this month of love, I beg you to love yourself first. Fill yourself up first. Embrace yourself, your body, your smile, your gifts, and your being. There is only one of you blessing this planet and all of us needs you.

    Let’s talk again about Maya Angelou…. She says “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”

    Life can be challenging, so you need to take action by going out and knowing where you want to go and what you’re going for!!  Your pure intention of heart will do the “kick ass” part without any effort!

    So get your game on, put on some red lipstick or high heels and be good to yourself first.  Then create!!!

    Love and blessings to you.
    Kristen Magnacca

  • If You Had Unlimited Time, Money, Talent and Support.....

    Greetings!

    January usually means starting off with the greatest of intention to make New Year's resolutions such as losing weight, stop smoking, taking a class or going to the gym more.

    Whatever the "resolution" is, you begin the year with such high hopes and expectations and then, life happens. Those old patterns slip in and before you know it, it's February and the progress that you projected didn't go as you had intended.

    I would like to offer you a different approach this year.  Instead of starting out 'gang busters' try this for the first week of the year.

    Go Easy on yourself!  Take time to regroup from last year and the hectic holidays.

    We need the gift of time.  It make sense to take a step back and re- learn about yourself, what you've learned, what you can let go of and what is in the process of re-birthing within yourself.

    Divine timing is so important to our existence along with the understanding of the flow of life's cycles.

    However, if you are ready to get going, the following question is simple and powerful and can get you moving in a creative direction. Sit for a while and answer this:
    "If I had unlimited time, talent, money and support from my family and friends here is a list of things I will do over the next twelve months".

    God bless you all as we move into 2012 with a focus on self-care, love and a peaceful heart.

    Happy New Year,
    Kristen

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Sweet Success

In this section, we are thrilled to be able to share success stories from our clients. We hope their words will inspire you to move forward hopefully on your journey. Please stay tuned! 

Success Story No. 1