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U.S. Senate Appropriations Testimony
March 28, 2000
Testimony of Kristen Magnacca before
the United States Senate Appropriations
Subcommittee on Labor/HHS & Education
Senator Arlen Specter, Chairman
Good morning, my name is Kristen Magnacca.
In 1997 I arrived at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center's Mind/Body Center for Women's Health a shattered woman.
For three years my husband Mark and I had tried unsuccessfully to conceive a child. We were unexpectedly thrust into the world of infertility treatment; our life revolved around our childlessness.
We obtained the best medical intervention and progressed along the road of assisted reproductive technologies, namely IUI's, or Intrauterine Insemination. Being raised in a devout Catholic family, I prayed to God, asking him to send me a baby and provide me with strength.
It was determined that both my husband and I needed to have surgery to help correct our conditions. Following our surgeries, I completed three cycles of daily blood monitoring and ultrasounds culminating with medical instruction regarding nightly hormone injections.
Our third cycle resulted in a low positive pregnancy test. We watched while holding our breath that the hormone level would rise, and it did. I will forever remember the words that came from my doctor: "Kristen, for the very first time in your life you may consider yourself pregnant!"
As I wondered if our baby would have his father's soulful eyes or possibly his great grandfather's strawberry blond hair, I began to bleed. It was determined that this was an ectopic pregnancy, a life-threatening situation. The embryo had implanted itself outside of my uterus and as a result of this my body began trying to expel the pregnancy. I was rushed by ambulance to the hospital in serious condition with extensive internal bleeding. My pregnancy could not continue.
Due to surgical complications, I was left incontinent. We were also informed that due to problems from the ectopic pregnancy, the likelihood of a conceiving normally was non-existent. We would have to progress to in vitro fertilization, bypassing my tubes all together. I felt as though my body had failed me, I had no emotional strength left and that God had abandoned me. I rapidly fell into a depression and lost my will to go on. All at once I was experiencing a spiritual, physical and emotional crisis.
For months, my husband watched as my anger at my body, my anger at him and my intense anger at God for taking our child was slowly killing me.
With our marriage deteriorating, my husband began calling the Mind/Body Infertility Clinic daily in hopes of becoming participants. A close friend of ours had attended the clinic and thought that it would be beneficial given our circumstances. The class that was beginning in a few weeks' time was full. But through my husband's persistence and the clinic's compassion, we were allowed to join that group.
We both needed intervention, and agreed to experience this course together in hopes of learning strategies to deal with our situation and life. If a baby would come of this experience, that would be glorious, but that was a secondary goal.
I arrived at the first orientation class dragging my anger and pain with me. Then Dr. Ali Domar spoke. " We are not going to talk about how bad infertility is, we all know that it is, we are going to give you strategies to deal with your situation and life." As I broke down in tears, feeling her unconditional understanding, my anger began to melt.
Mark and I dove into the exercises, listening to the relaxation response tape before going to sleep, checking in with each other and questioning if we had elicited the relaxation response through "mini's."
Waves of stress released themselves from my body, and my focus began to return. Little by little I could see glimpses of my old self reappearing.
The awareness that eliciting the relaxation response brought was life altering. I remember driving my Jeep to a doctor's appointment where we were about to discuss my next set of infertility options. As I looked down at my hands on my steering wheel, I realized that my knuckles were white from my unconscious grip on the wheel.
A few weeks prior I would not even noticed my state, and would not have known to elicit the relaxation response through a "mini." I visualized the warmth of a flowing stream of water entering through my head, washing away my unacknowledged stress. I was able to change my state in an instant by relying on the skills I had developed through the clinic.
With each class I instilled the recommended changes. I began to eat a better diet and take nightly walks with my husband. On one of our walks my husband and I shared a moment of laughter. In the middle of the street he stopped and hugged me, saying, "Kristen, I have missed the sound of your laughter, it's so wonderful to hear that again." I hadn't realized how long it had been since I had felt joy.
Our marriage was on the mend; our communication had greatly improved. But most importantly, I allowed myself to be, in the quietness of my being.
My new awareness didn't end with my physical self. I began to reconnect with my spirit and God through the quietude of the relaxation response. In the quiet I could start to rebuild my relationship with my Creator.
As the weeks passed, I felt as though my mind, body and soul were through the crisis period and I could begin to move back into a more balanced state.
The focus of my life had been our childlessness for what seemed a lifetime. Through the strategy of "mindfulness" I could now focus on being in a restaurant with my husband instead focusing on the couple next to us with their infant. I still longed for our child, but I re-framed my life experience to "mind" how fortunate I was to be out with my husband and to have someone else cook me dinner!
We decided to postpone our first cycle of in vitro fertilization (IVF) and instead focus on our marriage and our new skills.
I began to come to terms with our fertility challenges. I finally accepted the fact that our child would have to be conceived in a room filled with medical experts, not within an intimate moment alone with my husband.
However, despite what the doctors said, we discovered that I was pregnant, the natural way, two months after becoming participants at the Mind/Body Clinic. My mind, body and soul fell into alignment through the specific strategies the clinic taught, allowing for this unbelievable occurrence to take place.
On September 21, 1998 at 7:46 am, what the conventional medical establishment said was impossible, happened. I gave birth to our son, Nicolas Armand Magnacca. He arrived with his father's soulful eyes and my grandfather's strawberry blonde hair; a 7lb, 7oz bundle of true miracle.
Without the intervention and life altering skills that we learned through the mind/body clinic, I believe that our son would not be with us today.
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